Saturday, 25 October 2014

What are my blessings?

Today really is the first day of the rest of my life. The cards I've drawn to day from Sirian Starseed Tarot (Cori 2012) answer the question 'What are my blessings?' They seem to directly refer to this morning's task. It's the first day of a new thing, one of those outside agencies I wrote about earlier in the week, the very first day. It's a new start, the beginning of putting things back together again. Well, that started as soon as things were blown to bits, but you know what I mean.

The Sun (or Solar Deity) will shine his light into the dark corners, refresh the pilgrim spirit, and new perspectives will be seen.

Three major cards, a big deal.

Cori writes of each:

Solar Deity - 'When this key appears it is a hallmark of great things in the works. It is a gloriously beautiful new day.' 

Starseed - 'When this card appears in a reading, it implies that the querent is off on a new quest, unconditionally, knowing that a new experience, an unknown, is about to unfold and become manifest.' 

Hanging Man - 'Hanging man appears to be waiting to be reborn, as many of us describe it, into to a new spiritual consciousness.'

It is a lot to ask of a 1.5 hour meeting, but there is nothing to lose and much to be gained by trying. I feel hopeful. Each day has been the beginning of healing, of course. This day appears particularly auspicious. And even if these cards refer not to today but to general life (because after all, I didn't ask about today, I asked 'What are my blessings?) they are good tidings. They show me good things. Whatever the outcome of this situation, however it turns out, I still have these blessings.

Friday, 24 October 2014

Clean anger

 Karma. What a loaded word. So many people think 'karma' means 'paybacks'. No, no, a thousand times no. It does not mean paybacks. I've written about this before.

What's happening to me is not because I deserve it, or because of some 'sin' from a past life, or because my 'negative energy' has 'drawn it to me', or even because of some 'lesson' I need to learn. There is no cosmic tick sheet keeping track of lessons we all need to learn, and meting them out to us in different forms depending on how much pain we have 'earned'. That is bullshit! And I don't believe for one single minute that someone's 'soul' decided to it would be good to born profoundly disabled or to die after a few hours in this world in order to 'learn' some 'lesson'. Bullshit! Bullshit!

What's happening to me is simply what is happening to me. It's not happening for a reason, it is just happening. The way I choose to deal with it, the actions that I take in response, that is my karma. That is what karma means.

The word karma means 'action'. I will show you again the actual scriptural teaching on karma from the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad:

Thursday, 23 October 2014

Yeah, we've all been there.

One more thing I have lived through

 Of course there are times in our lives when we think, 'What could there possibly be to celebrate?' It's the worst thing that's ever happened to us, or so we feel at that time, and the very idea of seeing any sort of bright side seems like a betrayal of our own suffering. And yet today we see Three of Chalices from Sirian Starseed Tarot (Cori, 2012).

Three frosted wine glasses with golden stems float above the surf on a beach. In the background, superimposed on the sky, three little girls with garlands of flowers huddle with their heads together, giggling. They look (disturbingly, in this instance) like members of a wedding party.

According to the LWB, this key (that's what Cori calls the majors) is about friendship and the celebration of unconditional love. It reminds me that from all over the world online and in my real life, too, people have been reaching out to me in concern, asking what's wrong, and extending their well wishes. All of this positive being sent to me can only be helping me to heal and find my feet. I appreciate it more than you know.

'The three opens to the celebration of what comes from sharing emotionally and spiritually with others -- without limitation.' ~ Cori, LWB

Openness is a pivotal part of what has been happening to me lately. Sharing everything without limitation is the only way that my current situation is going to be resolved, or that those of us involved can possibly heal and move forward. We have to be able to share our thoughts and feelings, and most importantly, be able to teach each what we need from the other. It's crucial.

The Indigo Angel card for the day:

'This card reminds you that life will continue long after you've gotten through this challenge and forgotten all about it. The angels ask you to concentrate on the good things in your life and see beyond whatever is going on around you.' 

There will never be a time when I will have 'forgotten all about' this. But if I can release the pain enough in this moment, I can see that there will be a time when it feels like and is a distant memory. It will feel like something that happened to someone else, a story that I was told. (That's the way all my other traumas that are now in the past feel to me, so I am sure that will be the case for this one, too.) 

I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that one day this will all be in the past, just one more thing I have lived through. 

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Outside in

This is a beautiful card from Sirian Starseed Tarot (Cori 2013). It's the Hierophant, and it features a statue of Buddha floating between the forepaws of the Sphinx. All the colours of the chakras swirl around them.

"What is that which in the morning goeth upon four feet; upon two feet in the afternoon; and in the Evening upon three?" 

This is the riddle of the Sphinx. It speaks to us of stages of life...Everything we go through is a process. No matter how random and chaotic things seem, there is a process to them. I'm not saying there's a master plan because I do not believe in master plans. But there is a process. We do not have to discover it so much as surrender to it. Allow it to happen.

I'm still in shock and in turmoil. But I am beginning to see that there are things out there than can act as a bridge. Organisations, systems, and bodies that exist to help and to guide, and I can access those. It's the traditional interpretation of the Hierophant.

Now here I differ with the meanings given in Cori's LWB:

Lost my Google Plus

Well, things just get better and better. For some reason my Google Plus ID is gone. So all the people I was following and all my followers are lost. Fortunately Blogger still let me sign in and allowed me to set a new ID - very big of them considering this is my blog and all I did was try to sign in. I've used the same photo but this one is called just 'Carla' and it's not on Google Plus. 

Oh I give up. Who knows if the next time I get on here I'll even be able to get into my blog at all.

All the blogs I was following -- lost. No feed.

Complete and utter crap.

I may come back later to do today's card draw. For now I'm going to make another pot of decaf and get a pillow and blanket and get on the sofa.

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Very apt

It's the Three of Orbs (3 of Swords) today from Sirian Starseed. It's also Day 3 since my trauma. I woke up this morning feeling sick and crying. Thankfully, yesterday I went to the GP and was given beta blockers and valium and that controls the anxiety enough that I can actually think rationally.

'Through the dark hour of the soul, when all appears to be dim, and the mind's eye is clouded to the vision of the higher purpose of difficult or painful experiences in life, the light of understanding is within your grasp. The card invites us to conquer the mind's focus on pain and loss, and look to the light, where we can transform our thoughts to acceptance and forward motion.' ~Patricia Cori, LWB

And some really penetrating questions:

What core beliefs or convictions have to be let go of?
How can you accept the pain of your loss and learn from it? 
What fear of separation or infidelity is causing you to suffer? 

I can't share with you the answer to those questions, but I can say that this card strikes deeply where I am at this moment. These are good questions for journaling, I think. Or just for sitting and pondering.

The Indigo Angel card for today:

Another lightning card, interesting. The LWB advises: You're extremely sensitive and can unknowingly absorb a lot of negative energy. This limits your understanding. Step away temporarily and connect with this beautiful planet. 

A walk would probably do me good at that. I may do that. But first I have to coax myself out of my bathrobe and bleary valium-induced haze (and don't think I'm not grateful for that haze right now).