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Monday, 14 July 2014

The best reason in the world to stop being mean to yourself

Oracle of Proverbs by Delphi Sutherland 
Images of mothers and children seldom do it for me, and I usually take the saying on this card to mean 'when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.' I've also heard it associated with the idea that your habits and ideas come from the way you were raised. Not sure what to make of it, I checked the companion book. Delphine says, 'You are more powerful than you realise so look around and see what needs to be done. Then step in and take charge. But do it through understanding and nurturing.'

Be bossy but be nice about it? :D

I just made a resolution about this yesterday, to temper my words and remember to pay compliments, particularly to those closest to me. I was thinking...why are we often harshest to those who are closest? And I realised that when you're close to someone, it can become like you're one person, and we forget not to treat them any differently than we are in the habit of treating ourselves. And of course we all know how hard we can be on ourselves. Whereas with friends or acquaintances, there are always boundaries we never cross, things we wouldn't dream of saying, with those we hold most dear, we can sometimes find ourselves treating them with the same level of judgement and criticism and lack of delicacy that we tend to treat ourselves. There's nothing nice about that! But it's easy to see how it happens. It's hard to keep boundaries with someone that you walk around naked in front of or swap spit with (and other intimacies). But actually, it really is important to remember -- that person is not you. Don't be as mean to them as you are to yourself, they don't deserve it.

Which brings up another point -- this is a great reason to learn to respect yourself and treat yourself respectfully. If you ever had problems figuring out how or why you should 'love yourself', then maybe this will motivate you:

You should love yourself because it helps you treat others better, particularly those closest to you. If it's our nature to treat those closest to us they way we treat ourselves, then it's a good idea to learn to treat ourselves with respect.

I really must write this stuff down. ;)

Don't say anything about yourself that you wouldn't dream of saying to a friend or a new acquaintance. And don't say anything to your loved ones that you wouldn't say to a friend or acquaintance. If bad habits are engrained, this is significant challenge. But let's start working on it today. Rock the cradle instead of throwing rocks.

2 comments:

  1. "I was thinking...why are we often harshest to those who are closest? And I realised that when you're close to someone, it can become like you're one person, and we forget not to treat them any differently than we are in the habit of treating ourselves"

    So very, very true. I will keep this (and my own reactions) in mind today. Thanks Carla.

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  2. This is a bit like a gratitude practice - actively remembering to be polite and loving towards those closest to you pays benefits in so many ways :)

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