Big change - what now?

You guys, I've deactivated my Facebook account! It's not the first time I've done it. A hiatus from Facebook for me usually lasts about a year. Then when I go back on, slowly but surely, I spend more and more time on there until I realise it's taking up nearly all my free time, and so I deactivate. I deleted the account once and stayed off for a couple of years. I might do that this time, too.

Thought I'd do a read about it:

What am I leaving behind (or what do I think I've left behind)?
What am I really leaving behind?
What are the three choices ahead of me, my 'points of power'?

(Spread was found here. Sorry, I don't know anything about this site; stumbled upon by googling 'spread for a big change.')

Tarot de St Croix, Lisa de St Croix, Devera 2013

By deactivating my Facebook account I 'think' I've left behind Ace of Wands -- a source of inspiration, a place where I can make a difference. I was all into political stories and memes and petitions and so on, there. In addition to my kitten videos.

But what I'm really leaving behind is the Emperor -- Good lord, could I really have been 'working for the man' by using Facebook? I guess I was, really. I mean, I know Facebook saves everything about me, and alarming connections are made, like if I browse an item on Amazon or elsewhere, ads for it turn up on my FB feed or in the sidebars. There are even scarier ways Facebook (and Google, but one thing at a time, people) control and track us, that I don't even know about. So that's what I'm really leaving behind.

Now, what are my power points? Six of Swords, Four of Wands and Queen of Cups. Just for kicks, I'll string together the interpretation suggested in the Tarot de St Croix LWB:

I'm led 'out of the dark dungeons of my mind' and find my power through 'creating ritual and space' where I 'accept the flow of all emotions.' Once again I have a powerful card about capturing living water. I also like that the LWB describes it as 'flow'. Actually, these are the exact reasons I wanted to free up time by leaving FB.

Another thing I like about these power cards is how they are all facing to the left -- in opposition to the Emperor, who seems to be trying to point them toward the right. F*** you, Emperor! Not only are we going the opposite direction, we're ready to crash right into you in a clash of wills -- or fight for our souls, perhaps! We are gonna do what we want without your input. (Also -- see how the wand is pointing in the same direction the power cards are going? I thought I was going that way but I wasn't!)

That's 'now what'!

Card of the Day - The Emperor

Noblet Tarot, Flornoy 2014

Today is a day for law and order. Or it may be a day that I come up against 'law and order'. It's an Emperor kind of day.

Here are some statements about the Emperor from Yoav Ben-Dov:

The Emperor rules over matter. 
The Emperor imposes his will.
The Emperor is an earthly father.
The Emperor is ready to fight. 
The Emperor controls himself. 
The Emperor conceals his weakness.

So I ask myself...how do I 'rule over matter' today? How can I impose my will? How do I serve as a patron or benefactor, or a kind of earthly father -- or who is fulfilling this role for me? In what areas should I be ready to fight? How should I be controlling myself today? What weakness should I keep to myself today?

All very good questions to keep in the back of the mind as today's events unfold.

Line reading the Emperor

Noblet Tarot, JC Flornoy 2014 edition

I drew Emperor for today and thought, hm, what's he looking at? So I drew 6 of Coins. But then I wondered, well, what? And I drew King of Swords. Well, then. What are these two looking at? And I drew Ace of Swords, which felt like the end of the line, so I stopped.

I'm seeing here a lot of clarity and mastery in the material realm -- finances, health, security, etc. The Emperor is certainly looking over the remainder of the spread. Six is the most harmonious of the numbers, so the Emperor rules over the material realm quite well. He's aided by the King of Swords who looks toward Ace of Swords, his emblem -- he's prepared to marshal all his strengths and skills to create this material harmony. Logic, rational thought, careful planning. The Emperor's crown is held aloft by the strengths of the Sword.

I guess this means I'm heading in the right direction lately. That's good news! I do feel like I've had more clarity, less fog, the last few days. Long may it continue.

Some line readings:

Taking control of financial and health situation requires mastery of emotion and clear thinking. 

Keep looking forward with the knowledge that you have the skills and the power to take control of your financial and health situation. 

Turn your back to the past and face the current situation. Wrest control of it with logical and clear planning. 

Control of the situation depends upon being rational. Emotion plays no part in it. Keep your eyes on that prize of a simple plan. 

Even the Emperor can get cold feet

Jean Noblet Tarot, Flornoy 2009

Two sayings sum up today's emotions: A man's home is his castle. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.

The Emperor is back. He turned up in my recent reading about home buying and he's back again on a day when I've been struck by a case of the predictable but very real home buyer's remorse, also known as 'cold feet'. This happens in the period between the offer being accepted and the exchange of contracts, when you have the time to suddenly think, 'What have I done?' Now, buyer's remorse can happen over any purchase -- I have been known to have it over a pair of shoes, or, yes, a tarot deck, so to think I wouldn't get a big whanging case of it over the biggest purchase of my life would be to think foolishly. What if I paid too much? What if something goes wrong? What if I regret it down the line? And so on and so forth.

Now, what is the image of the Emperor telling me about how to deal with this case of cold feet?

He retains the easy, leaning posture of the Dodal image from my other reading, but this time he's facing to the right side of the card, the future. And he's facing it with the same confidence and assurance. He holds his sceptre out in the direction of the future. His eyes are toward the future. He leans back to ponder a bit, but it certainly doesn't appear that he's given to turning back unless convinced by truly compelling circumstances. Now is the pause before going forward.

How would the Emperor approach the question of whether he should proceed?

The Emperor has one red leg and one blue leg -- he balances things out. Most likely, he would examine the reasons why he began heading in this direction. What factors led him to make the decision? If he has conquered new lands for example, what qualities of the land made it an attractive prospect for conquering? Are those qualities still there? Has anything about the land changed since he decided he wanted to conquer it?

He would probably methodically lay out his concerns and address them one by one. He is, after all, a strategist.  An Emperor would no doubt gather a council to do this, but mere mortals such as ourselves can employ the same technique on our own by laying out two columns in our journal, 'Fear' and 'Reality'. Then we can list all the fears we have about the situation in the first column, and state the facts in the second. For example:

Fear - We might not be able to afford this.
Reality - You can afford it, because you have been pre-approved for a mortgage, advised by a financial adviser, and you have gone through your budget multiple times.

Fear - We might lose our jobs.
Reality - You are no more likely to lose your job as a home owner than you were as a renter. Buying a home does not increase the likelihood of job loss. Also, you can take out insurance to cover costs during any periods of unemployment.

And so on.

Having reviewed his motivations for his initial decision, and worked one by one through his subsequent worries, the Emperor would stay the course, unless very compelling reasons led him to turn back. He can always pick up his shield to defend himself in case the tide truly turns. In fact, if you look closely at the card, the shield appears to be all he's leaning on. There doesn't seem to be a throne there. That either means he can be easily knocked over backward, or he's so committed to forward momentum that he's hardly putting any weight on his backside at all. I'm guessing it's probably the latter.

He most certainly would not allow a case of 'cold feet' -- fears that exist mostly in his imagination -- to hold him back.

Stalked by the Emperor

I've drawn the Emperor again today, so it looks like a good time to try a 'stalker card' spread. I've used Angelorum's before, so I've chosen the one at Over the Moon Oracle Cards.

To get the six cards for this reading, I decided to shuffle the Emperor back into the deck, then find him again and use the six following cards to fill in the blanks (another recent stalker, Temperance, turns up in a key position, and 9 of Pentacles make a comeback as well!):

Dear Carla, 

When I show up in your daily draw, I'm giving you a message about the way you see the world, the way you are searching for 'completion'. You've got your face turned away from the real story. You're using me to try to create the world you think you want. 

I'm here to show you what's happening. You are seeking a 'happily ever after' outcome, searching for whatever it is 'other' people have that makes them appear contented. I want you to find your own balance in this life. I want you to take the good with the bad, because no amount of preparation is going to keep the bad from happening. But you can cope. Life is a mix of both, that's the formula, that's how it is meant to be. It doesn't work otherwise. Keep letting them mix together, shake them up good, that's how to find what you seek. 

When I appear, I am asking you to release your desire to feel competent and secure all the time. You have been using some of my qualities to get those feelings, but you have lost the balance. There is more to me than power to control. 

I want you to acknowledge all that you have accomplished in your life, and to revel in what you have now. I want you to be content in this present moment. I want you to realise that you already have as much security as you will ever have, and it is enough. It is no less than anyone else has in this life. 

When you see me, it's time to practice unconditional acceptance of everything. Find your connection to this life, and to other people! Be guided by your heart, trust your inner sense of what is true, not your fears of what might be unless you make lots of rules. When you see me, it is time to practice the opposite of the me you think you know. It is time to release, and to connect. 

Sincerely,

The Emperor  

Hey ho, he's telling me the same thing he told me yesterday. Tarot is so patient that way. It just keeps pointing you in the direction you need to be looking.

Today I can let go of trying to control the outcome of a certain thing by staying off certain websites and not dwelling on a certain event that happening next week. Instead, I can focus on enjoying my current situation, the freedom of the day, the luxury of a Sunday, and I can phone my mother (I just remembered it's mother's day in the US.)

Do you have a stalker card? What do you think it's trying to tell you? It will send you a letter of explanation if you ask!

The Emperor's new pants

I hardly ever draw the Emperor. He is a bit maligned, but I rather like him. To me, he represents order, structure, and civilization. He's that aspect of the Father, whereas the Magician and the Hierophant represent other aspects of the Father...

But why is he here today? He looks rather formidable.

James Ricklef to the rescue again:

'When we release our need for control and allow the Divine to be the Emperor in our lives instead, we find our way toward peace. This does not mean we should never make plans; it just means we should not worry about them. It doesn't mean we should not work toward or goals; it just means that we should do what we can and then realise that the results will unfold as they are meant to...In other words, when we try to control life here in the material world, it can be like trying to control shadows without realising where they come from' (The Soul's Journey: Finding Spiritual Messages in the Tarot, 26). 

How have my preparations and arrangements been controlling my life? How has this been a self-made trap? How can I become more flexible? How can I allow uncertainty and ambiguity enter my understanding of things? How can I allow 'maybe' and 'I'm not sure' into my vocabulary?

First I must allow that things that my arrangements and preparations had defined as impossible might actually be possible. This entails letting go of particular beliefs. It requires a completely new way of looking at the same issues. It involves risk -- or rather, what feels like risk, because it is outside of the boundaries of a self-imposed 'safe' area.

The Emperor doesn't like that, look at his face. But he'll just have to get glad in the same pants he got mad in.

The Emperor's a ....

Intuitive Tarot by Cilla Conway

What's the deal with Aleister Crowley and cocks. It's like you can't have one without the other.

Here we have the Emperor from Cilla Conway's Intuitive Tarot, which is rather heavily influenced by Crowley's Thoth Tarot. There are a lot of phallic symbols in the deck, but only one actual penis, and mercifully only one knob with feet and wings and tiny little bollocks. And a tail.

Some people do think the Emperor is kind of a dick, though.

So here we have him, a griffin with a penis head walking on the sun, and a man holding a sceptre topped by a globe having the continent of Africa facing us. Could this be because civilization started there? The Emperor does represent all the civilizing, organizing aspects of the human animal. You can see this in the tiny images surrounding him. Starting in the upper left corner: skyscrapers, a tank, a mushroom cloud, musical staff, a lightbulb, an astronaut in space, the space shuttle, scientists at a computer, and a line of human figures fitted together spoon fashion. Are they queuing in a soup line? Marching into a factory? Packed onto a slave ship? Waiting to vote? Heading into the gas chamber? Going in to see a film? Sitting in a music hall? Waiting to get their pay packet? All of those would fit!

The Emperor represents our capacity to manipulate and control our environment, to wring what we want out of each other and the earth. Some of this has resulted in good, some in bad. For better or worse, this is the way we are. We don't blend in as one with our environment. We practically never have. We manipulate it, change it, turn it into something else. The Emperor contains all of that within his remit.

So what the sam hill could this mean as my daily draw today? Perhaps a bit of Emperor style bureaucracy and hierarchical BS will rear its head today. And we can see plainly what its head is made of.

Great.

Listen to those Chariot wheels creak!

CBD Tarot

What is the most important thing for me to do today? 

Boom! Look at how those cards have fallen. The man of the material realm and the despot have their eyes fixated on the 5 of Wands, the card of physical work/action. Today I must work out and if I do, it will be the first workout since April 2015. Can you believe that? 

I thought I'd draw a goddess card to see what energy I need and look who popped up: 

Journey to the Goddess Realm

Yes, it's Hygieia, goddess of health, with her kundalini rising and her pentacles representing the body (fire, water, earth, air, spirit) in protective circles. And there are four of them, showing how balanced she is. 

All right already! Where are those old Kelly Coffey-Meyer DVDs? ....

ETA: I did something. It wasn't a workout DVD -- I did my own 30 minute stepping, squats, lunges and biceps and triceps while watching 'Harold and Maude' (1971 cult classic) on You Tube. Then I went and ordered 4 KCM DVDs at Coffeyfit.

USA, UOA, ULA

After my very positive draw yesterday, I had quite a bad day emotionally. Sharing this new program with a loved one was followed by words and tears. Where did it go wrong? What could I have done differently? How should I change the way I approach or handle things next time? 

Morgan Greer 

Looking at this spread, a theme certainly emerges. In two of the cards, I see cooperation. And in one card, a warning against its opposite. 

Funnily enough, I have been reading as part of this new program this morning, reading about three key concepts of the program:

Unconditional Self-Acceptance

Unconditional Other-Acceptance
Unconditional Life-Acceptance

The key word in each is 'acceptance'. Acceptance is not love. Acceptance is not approval. Acceptance is allowing something to exist, just as it is. If I can allow something (or someone -- and that includes myself) permission to exist just as it is, I can work with it. But if I don't, I can't. I end up fighting myself, fighting the universe, fighting the wind. Simple as that. 

In the first card, 2 of Wands, we see the familiar figure holding the globe or royal orb and looking into the distance. We have the rose and lily (passion and purity). We have the two staves. The chap even has a feather in his cap. We usually interpret this card to represent a visionary with vast and expansive ideas, achieving a balance between stillness and activity, etc. But today I notice something in this card that is absent from many other depictions. The man holds the globe in one hand, a staff in the other, and the second staff is held by another person -- a third hand is in the image. The man is NOT staring out into the distance. He would appear to be staring into the eyes of the figure outside the image, the one who is holding the second staff. Or perhaps they are standing side-by-side, observing the horizon together. Together, not separately.

And in the second card, we do not see a family exulting at the view of their little house with a rainbow overarching the scene. No, the card is dominated by a male arm and a female arm entwined to grasp the 10th cup together, and out of this unity the rainbow arises.

And this is where the concept of unconditional acceptance converges. The Emperor, who could be said to embody the opposite of self, other and life acceptance. He does not accept. He demands, he creates laws, he enforces them, he controls. He takes vengeance. He rules.

The Emperor has got to go. I'm as fond of him as I am of the Queen of Swords, but both of them have served their purpose. Time for a new way.

Unconditional Self-Acceptance - 

I accept myself because I'm alive and have the capacity to enjoy my existence. I am not my behavior. I can rate my traits and my behavior, but it is impossible to rate something as complex as my 'self.' My self consists of innumerable traits, not just this one. I strive for achievement only to enhance the enjoyment of my existence, not to prove my worth. Failing at any task cannot make me a failure.

I can choose to accept myself even if am unwilling or unable to change my 'character defects' because there is no law of the universe that says I can't. My approval of myself cannot come from pandering to any external source or bowing to any external authority. My self-acceptance can only come from me, and I am free to choose it at any time. — Nick Rajacic

Unconditional Other-Acceptance -

Similar to USA, UOA is the processes of acknowledging who an individual is without placing a weighted, global judgment upon them. Personally, I believe this concept requires more effort than USA. After all, people must be considerate, right? Unfortunately, no. I do not control the universe and if you haven’t noticed, other New Yorkers are not eager to follow another individual’s personal guidelines. Ok, so maybe “must” is too strong of a word. How about others should be considerate? Wrong again. Where is it written that someone should behave one way or another? Some would say the law; however, people break the law all the time. It would be nice if others were considerate, but it does not mean they must or should be.

Unconditional Life-Acceptance -

Ultimately, you may have some control as to how things pan out in life; however, you will be more at peace once you give up the belief that you must have total control of the universe and insist that things should be a certain way. If you are able to change your thoughts about an event, you can change your world. Although this cannot guarantee pain and suffering vanish, it might just be more bearable.

The Emperor is not very good at practising USA, UOA, and ULA. So he can sod off. Ha! 

Tarot and the 12 Steps: 4-6

This is post of 2 of 4 in which I attempt to find how the first 12 tarot majors fit in with 12 step recovery. Please see post 1 here.

4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves. 

Bill W's Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous explains Step 4 here. (Scroll to page 64 to find where Step 4 begins. It covers pages 64-71, so it's a biggie.) In this step, a lot of soul searching and being honest with oneself takes place.  I think that there is a way the Empress relates to this. The Empress 'brings forth'. She 'gives birth to'. We talk about the Magician having the ability to make things manifest, but the Empress actually does it. She brings forth crops. And when we write down in black and white our resentments, fears, angers and our wrongs, we have produced something real, too. There it is.

There's another way that the Empress relates to this step, and that is the surprising degree to which Step 4 has to do with sexuality, in childhood, adolescence and adulthood. Much of the resentment, fear, anger and wrongs of Step 4 is inured in what Bill W calls 'sex power' (1939 lingo). The Empress is acknowledged as representing both fecundity and sexuality. She is the queen of these aspects of self, and if anyone can help us make a 'searching and fearless' inventory of ourselves in these areas, I can't think of a tarot major that would be better equipped for it.

Emperor keeps shining his influence today

Well, I've heard that Red Bull gives you energy. I think that little critter's meant to be a ram, though. Or it ought to be for this card. Oh well!

It's the Emperor from Deviant Moon Tarot (US Games 2013) today. Apart from his strange chin and Gene Simmons boots, this character looks almost normal. The symbols on the card are all familiar, too. The chess board is often associated with Emperor; we see it in several decks, denoting the Emperor's black and white view of things, his military skills (ability to out think his adversaries, stay one step ahead of the game to keep a firm hold on his empire). The turrets and castle walls in the background show his power and wealth, which we also see in his purple robe with ermine trim. All very familiar.

'Dominating all that is around him, the Emperor sits with confidence. Although pleased with his achievements, he looks towards other areas of conquest.' ~Patrick Valenza, Deviant Moon LWB

The recent full moon was in Aries, or Emperor, and it looks like his influence continues. Now here's something to contemplate:

Full Moon in Aries Emperor Reading

                               1. How am I an Emperor?
                               2. How am I not an Emperor?
                               3. Where do I need to take charge?
                               4. What will help me do that?
                               5. How am I weak?
                               6. How am I strong?

I really don't think I like this reading at all--and it is those uncomfortable readings that we need to pay most attention to. This one has brought up some of my shadow aspects, things about myself I don't like to look at.

Ancient Italian Tarot Pairs: Day 4

'Nobody's life is entirely free of pain and sorrow. 

Isn't it a question of learning to live with them rather than trying to avoid them?'

~ Eckhart Tolle 

King of Cups                                        The Emperor

Today the Ancient Italian Tarot (LoScarabeo) advises me to embrace the King of Cups and release the Emperor. It's more important to master interpersonal relationships and my own emotions than to take a distant, perhaps lofty or superior stance.

Perhaps the draw is a simple message:  feel more, suppress less. There's a difference between mastery and control. The King of Cups is a man in authority, a man of mastery, but he has not lost touch with his emotions. He acknowledges and accepts them. The Emperor, on the other hand, is in a position of authority, but handles it differently. He doesn't like to be seen as a creature of emotion, with possible exception of wrath. He can be dictatorial, ruthless, unbending. He takes pride in showing little emotion, in his iron rule of his empire.

Of course this draw must have to do with my own personal 'tapes' and thoughts about myself. But it could also be in my dealings with others.

In control

Wild Unknown Tarot, 2013

The Emperor from Wild Unknown Tarot also has a sun with a black circle over it, but for some reason it is not saying 'total eclipse' to me. It's saying 'control over everything'. For some reason, I'm seeing the tree in shadow as being the one blotting out the sun, rather than a shadow falling onto the tree from an eclipse. I reckon that is what I'm supposed to be seeing, because the Emperor is certainly about control.

The tree in this card stands tall and proud, solitary. There's nothing else in the frame, other than the sun and the earth. The title underneath the tree suggests to me that the tree's strength isn't even derived from its roots, but from itself. How can a tree be strong without roots, without depth? I don't know, but this tree strikes me as being perfectly capable of taking care of itself and ruling everything around it, with no help whatsoever, behind the scenes or otherwise.

Unfortunately, the tree is a shadow, dark against a white sky. Its view of everything is black and white, literally and figuratively. There's no lushness there for it, no scope for anything other than this stark control. I wonder how long the tree can keep this up. Well, it can probably keep this up for a very long time, but I wonder how long the tree will want to keep this up, for it all becomes too much for it. That's the real question.

Wicca Moon Week Friday

Wicca Moon by Shirlee @ WiccaMoon

It's Good Friday, bank holiday and I'm off work! Yay! Last night I fell asleep on the couch around 8.40 pm and didn't really wake up again until midnight, when I got up and groggily went to bed. So it's now 6 AM and I'm up and feeling relatively human for a change. (I tend to have trouble getting a decent number of hours' sleep; usually it's around 5 or 6 that I average per night. No idea why.)

I remember saying to hubster last night we had better not have too much sugar or coffee because we'd be up until 2 or 3 in the morning like were recently, and he was all 'Doesn't matter, no work tomorrow, yay!' And I said, 'It interrupts the circadian rhythm.' It occurs to me this morning that keeping up the circadian rhythm is an Emperor-ish thing to do.

King of the World

Arthurian Tarot, 1990

Today I finish work at 4.30, then I am off until next Friday! King of the world indeed. :)

Our last card from the Arthurian Tarot, Aquarian Press 1990, is Arthur, The Emperor. I'm not sure why a lot of people dislike the Emperor card. I've always liked him both in concept and in art, for most decks. Unless the deck creator is one of those who don't like him, and have made him into a negative image.

The Emperor is the card of authority, power and paternal figures. He represents the civilizing qualities of mankind -- organized systems of government, social heirarchy, systems of commerce, economies, agriculture and so on. Anything that requires organization, leadership and decision-making. The Emperor is the one in charge of all these systems. Gender roles, family roles, societal roles, work roles -- all these exist because of the organizing factors of the Emperor.

Build the foundations

My card of the day from Joanna Powell Colbert's Gaian Tarot (Llewellyn 2011) is The Emperor.

The what? Shouldn't that say '3 of Coins'? What the heck is The Emperor doing in his shirtsleeves decorating his front porch? I can only assume he's the one who's chopped all that cord wood as well. What sort of Emperor is this?

I don't know anything about Gaian deck printing lore, but I do notice that in the guide book, the card is called 'The Builder', while the card in the Llewellyn deck is labelled '4 - The Emperor'. So maybe it's a printing error. 'The Builder' certainly fits the card better.

The companion books says, 'The Builder is the archetypal Father, the creator of culture, structure and human laws, as compared to the Gardener (Empress) who embodies the abundance of Mother Earth. He is the city, she is the country' (Journey through the Gaian Tarot, pp 35-36).

The book goes on to describe him as 'the architect of civilization.' So it would seem that in this deck, The Emperor represents logic, structure, science, systems, heirarchies, order, possibly even the foundations of culture and learning. He also represents manipulating natural materials in ways to suit the needs of man, and even the craftsman's expression of  higher knowledge and impulses, as seen in the symbols he is carving.

So this card today was flanked by 2 of Water  and 7 of Earth (ie, 2 of Cups and 7 of Pentacles). I see what it's saying. I am facing a situation today where I will need to be the one in charge, while showing lots of patience toward someone with whom it can be difficult to work in partnership. As the Emperor is at the centre of the draw, seems to be saying not to get emotional or nurturing or too Gardener-ish. In order for the project in question to work, there must be a firm foundation and plan that can't keep wavering. Of course, the 2 of Cups also reminds me that it's good to listen to others, so I shouldn't be too closed-minded to alternatives that may be on offer.