One thing you can count on

Jean Dodal Tarot, Flornoy 2009

Everything goes in cycles. 

I know I've mentioned this several times, but there is one particular song that I feel really captures Wheel of Fortune: 'The World Goes Round,' from the movie 'New York, New York'.

Sometimes you're happy
And sometimes you're sad
But the world goes round
And sometimes you lose
Every nickel you had
But the world goes round

Sometimes your dreams 
get broken in pieces
But that doesn't matter at all
Take it from me, 
there's still going to be
A summer, a winter, a spring and a fall

And sometimes a friend starts treating you bad
But the world goes round
And sometimes your heart breaks
With a deafening sound


Somebody loses, and somebody wins
And one day it's kicks
Then it's kicks in the shins
But the planet spins
And world goes round and round

Sometimes you're happy 

And sometimes you're sad
But the world goes round
And sometimes you lose
Every nickel you had
But the world goes round

Sometimes your dreams 

get broken in pieces
But that shouldn't alter a thing
Take it from me, 
there's still going to be
A summer, a winter, a fall and a spring

And sometimes a friend starts treating you bad
But the world goes round
And sometimes your heart breaks
With a deafening sound

Somebody loses, and somebody wins
And one day it's kicks 
then it's kicks in the shins
But the planet spins
And the world goes round
And round and round and round and round

The world goes round
And round
And round
And round

You don't fall off the planet. You don't fall off the wheel. Bad times come, then they go. Good times come, then they go. As long as you keep hanging on, you can count on that. 

Advice for the week

This is a reading for myself...but you could use the same technique for your own questions. First two questions are a 3-card draw (lines 1 and 2), final question is a 1-card draw (single card on right).

What is the best course of action to take this week to assure the outcome we want?
What is the best course of action for security in the future?
What is my best next step?

Tarot de Marseille Francois Chosson 1736, Yves Renaud

Be prepared to spend a lot of money; otherwise, the outcome is out of my hands.

Stability is the result of optimism, trusting in a partner, and going with gut feeling.

My next best step is to wait for the call. Nothing else to be done.

Did she mention the world goes round?

Ha! Yesterday I said 'the wheels have started turning' and now this card falls on the table.

Too much house-talk, too much house-think yesterday. IFAs and properties online, the reality of limited resources. Not to mention my advanced age. Then the worries and fears, big and small ...what if the house has damp? What if there's something bad wrong with it? What if we can't pay the mortgage? What if we lose our jobs? What if the neighbours are noisy and horrible? What if we get in a dispute with someone? What if it catches on fire? What if we buy a place and get gazumped? What if we move in somewhere and we just hate it? What if we spend all our cash on this and then realise we needed those savings? What do we know about home ownership, we can't sew on a button. What if it needs major repairs, how will we pay for them? Maybe a flat would be better but what about leasehold? What if a terraced house is dark and horrible, maybe it's a choice between a dark terrace but with a patch of ground, or light and airy open plan flat but with no garden? Who wants to drag dirt all through the house from the garden anyway, we need a place with access to the rear garden other than through the house. Maybe I am just not smart or rich enough to do this. Maybe it would be better to just stay as we are and not bother. Maybe I'll talk myself out of this before I even start. Thoughts go round. Round and round and round and round. Which makes me think of this lady. Which makes me feel better.






 'Sometimes you're happy
And sometimes you're sad
But the world goes round
And sometimes you lose
Every nickel you had
But the world goes round
Sometimes your dreams get broken in pieces
But that doesn't mean a thing
Take it from me,
there's still going to be
A summer, a winter, a fall and a spring
And sometimes a friend starts treating you bad
But the world goes round
And sometimes your heart breaks
With a deafening sound
Somebody loses, and somebody wins
And one day it's kicks
Then it's kicks in the shins
But the planet spins
And the world goes round
Round and round and round and round
The world goes round and round and round and round'

The Hamburger Moment: A Reading

An article that's making the rounds on Facebook caught my eye the other day:

The Hamburger Moment: I wasn't treating my husband fairly and it wasn't nice

I recognized a lot of my own patterns of behaviour in that article, and not for the first time. I know from experience that I am not the only woman who tends to come down very hard on her partner for small things. I've listened to women complain to each other vigorously about such sins as leaving wet towels in the floor, not opening the hamper but leaving clothes on top, and putting toilet paper the wrong way round. I have certainly seen a lot of this sort of behaviour on TV shows like 'Everybody Loves Raymond' and 'Home Improvement,' etc (forgive my ancient TV references, I don't watch a lot of sitcoms anymore). I guess we've been doing this crap for a long time; it's even mentioned in the Bible: 'A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand' (Proverbs 27:15-16). Ha ha!

I don't have a clue about the bigger picture of why there seems to be a pattern of women nitpicking. Maybe it has something to do with some underlying pressure to be perfect ourselves, imposed on us by cultural and societal expectations, maybe it's learned behaviour from watching our mothers, don't know, but what I do know is I can try to recognize and address this sort of thing in myself. Better late than never. So here is what I asked:

1. Why do I slip into the habit of constant fault-finding in my husband? 

2. What is the best course of action to address this? 

3. What is the biggest challenge in this course of action?
4. What is the biggest support?

5. What is the outcome? 

I then pulled 5 cards and examined them:  7 of Cups - 2 of Pents - 10 of Swords - 10 of Wands - 6 of Cups. I was getting an impression of the reading, but decided to pull clarifiers for each card in the spread (not something I usually do) and laid them in a second row beneath: Sun - Ace of Wands - High Priestess - King of Swords - Queen of Wands. Each card I laid down felt like 'Boom! There it is!' They just solidified the original draw so well. Let's take them in pairs. 

 I do this because of deceptive, destructive fantasies of perfection. It's not just him I hold to these unconscious rules, it's the entire world! I've been reading a lot about irrational beliefs that underlie our unhelpful responses to life, and I've identified several from a list produced by Albert Ellis (12 Self-Defeating Beliefs). The ones at work here seem to be:

*People should always do the right thing and when they don't, they must be punished.
*Things must be the way I want them or life will be intolerable.
*My unhappiness is caused by things outside my control, so there is little I can do to feel better.
*Every problem must have an ideal solution, and it is intolerable when one cannot be found.
*To be a worthy person, one must succeed at what they do and make no mistakes.

I have no idea how these irrational rules and beliefs become embedded in us, but I have found that when I feel upset about something, if I have a look at these lists, I can usually quickly identify the irrational belief or demand that is causing the discomfort. It is rather uncanny. So what's the best course of action?

To create 'a partnership working with proper energy flow and support', I must remember that 'mood swings may threaten stability' and that 'anger and not fully understanding the consequences of actions' will break down the balance. (The quotations come directly from the LWB of the Sacred Rose Tarot deck. It's useful to keep and to check the LWB! Sometimes what you find there is spot on!)

The key here is to learn to catch myself between the irrational belief and the consequences (that's the exact term used by Ellis -- fits, doesn't it!) of that belief. It's almost impossible to do that, so the only way you can change a habitual response is by doing what Ellis called ABC analysis (see previous blogs here and here). Over time, with reflection and by disputing irrational beliefs after the fact, the behaviour begins to change. That's the theory, and it's certainly helped with my tinnitus, so why not try it here.

The biggest challenge is of course rooting out and recognizing the self-defeating actions. That's reflected in the pairing of 10 of Wands and High Priestess. The LWB says there are 'excessive pressures and problems to be resolved' and that good judgement is based on 'logic and knowledge removed from the confusion of emotion.' That is precisely the process of REBT. It's not easy, it's hard work. So it's the biggest challenge.

The biggest support comes from the cerebral nature of the whole thing. This is the death of irrational beliefs and the meticulous re-training of the thinking needed to challenge and change them. If the King of Swords were to identify something as entirely self-defeating, he would be merciless in rooting it out. This is a good thing. When my King of Swords nature recognizes how illogical and pointless certain beliefs are, he simply won't allow me to believe them anymore. And when I don't hold a certain belief anymore (like 'people must be perfect and they if they make a mistake they deserve to be punished') then I won't react to events based on that belief anymore (like if my husband or I drop the cafetiere and break it, it is cause for a flash of anger and sharp words). -- If my underlying belief can be changed to 'People make mistakes and though it's inconvenient it is not intolerable and we remain worthy human beings regardless of our mistakes', then dropping the cafetiere would result in 'Oh crap, oh well.'

The outcome of attacking this behaviour using these techniques? I will become responsible (or accept responsibility for) my own emotions. This will allow me to access the better qualities of my Queen of Wands nature: warmth and affection coupled with authority and determination.


I then asked, 'What is the overall message to me about this issue?' and drew three cards:

It's up to me to recall the source of love and emotion and to exercise my free will in deciding how I will react, what path I will choose in response to the cycles of the day-to-day. There is always a choice in response to the Wheel of Fortune. May its genesis be love, and not flawed beliefs and unconscious rules. 

All images in this post are from Sacred Rose Tarot (US Games 1982). 

Tarot and the 12 Steps: 10-12

This is the 4th of 4 posts examining the connection between the first 12 tarot majors and the 12 steps of addiction recovery.  

Introduction
Steps 1-3
Steps 4-6
Steps 7-9

10. We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. 

Of Step 10, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, 'We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime' (page 84).

And so we have the Hermit, the tarot major that typifies a life's devotion to pursuing personal (and cosmic) truths through introspection, meditation, and continuous self-reflection, resulting in constant spiritual growth.

There are two prayers in AA that, according to the Big Book, go with Step 11, but I think they fit very well with Step 10, and certainly with the Hermit:

Morning prayer-
God, inspire my thinking, decisions and intuitions today. Help me to relax and take it easy. Free me from doubt and indecision. Guide me through this day and show me my next step. God, show me what I need to do to take care of any problems. I ask all these things that I may be of maximum service to you and my fellow man. In the spirit of the Steps I pray. AMEN

Full Moon in Aries Emperor Reading

                               1. How am I an Emperor?
                               2. How am I not an Emperor?
                               3. Where do I need to take charge?
                               4. What will help me do that?
                               5. How am I weak?
                               6. How am I strong?

I really don't think I like this reading at all--and it is those uncomfortable readings that we need to pay most attention to. This one has brought up some of my shadow aspects, things about myself I don't like to look at.

Wheel of fortune

Draw for Thursday 24 April
Yesterday I had a 1:1 with my manager and reviewed my work. I felt a bit happier today, but then at about 8 pm I started to get pain in my tooth and that brought on all sorts of troubling thoughts and shaky feelings, so I took some medication and went to bed at 9.30. I woke and 1.30, and then woke up again every thirty minutes or so for the rest of the night. This is precisely what I did on Wednesday night as well, only without the added toothache.

I hope Thursday was a turning point and that things will be looking up from here.

This morning I feel shaky and nauseated and am just having a protein shake for breakfast because the thought of chewing alarms me. The tooth doesn't hurt much at the moment and I don't want it to.

Week ahead - Deck of the Bastard

Rough night with dental discomfort/pain and nausea. Let's look at the cards for the next week and try a little predictive reading, then look at them again on each day:

Row 1: Sat Sun Mon
Row 2: Tue Wed Thu

Row 3: Fri

Today - 6 of Pentacles

This is a time when I must assess how much of my neediness in the material plane is down to perception. I feel quite on my knees to/at the mercy of events with regard to my physical body at the moment. I do feel at the mercy of those who seem to have more power over this aspect of my life at the moment; in this case, the dentists. I also feel that I am begging for mercy from a higher source for a good outcome.

It would probably not be a bad idea to get some perspective on events. There are many people in the world much far worse off than me with my dental pain/discomfort but the resources to eventually take care of the problem, even if I have to experience some pain for a few days or weeks, and even if the procedure is not the most pleasant in the world. No matter what happens, the worst case scenario for me is a tooth extraction. My life is not on the line. I'm not looking at chemo or open heart surgery. 

So this card is both an assessment of my current feelings and a call to remember I'm not the only one having troubles and in fact am better off than most.

Sun - Empress

It's hard not read every card in light of my most pressing problems. The Empress here suggests a day in which I should nurture myself in every way possible, mother myself. I should focus on the ways in which I do feel healthy. I should avoid talking about my problems. The Empress is a doer, not a talker. 

Mon - Justice

It's Easter Bank Holiday. It hardly seems fair to me that my dental woes have invariably fallen across weekends when the dentist is closed. Then, it hardly seems fair that the dentist is closed on weekends. A practice open on Saturday would do a booming trade. I can only hope that whatever discomfort I've been in for the last few days has seen a reduction.

In any case, the Justice card doesn't seem a harbinger of doom. Depending on how you number your cards, Justice is my year card. (The numbers of your date of birth added together and reduced is your year card. Mine is 8, which in some decks is Strength, in others Justice. I lay claim to both because my age is 47, 4+7=11, which seemed a coincidence too handy to ignore). 

It could be that Monday will be a day when I must deal dispassionately with the fact that life is impartial in dealing out woes. Or a day when I make connections between events and see the cause and effect. I might reach a solution or decision of some kind. 

Tue - 3 of Pentacles

It's back to work after being off since 11 April, but I must say, it hasn't been an especially fun holiday. There will be so many tasks to catch up on. I am not looking forward to it. I think I will probably be consulting with my manager a lot (if she's in). Team work is called for. 

Wed - The Devil

I think I know what this might point to. I originally booked off half a day's annual leave for this day (hubby asked me to). Should I go ahead and take it? Or should I stay at work for the day? The Devil is about feeling helpless, in bondage, thinking negatively, believing the worst, choosing to remain in ignorance, or any number of bleak concepts. It could be a day that I am tempted to call in sick altogether. But perhaps this could just point to a very busy day at work in which I feel like a slave! 

Thu - Wheel of Fortune

Does the worm begin to turn? Something is going to change on Thursday, anyway. I do hope it's for the better.

Fri - 9 of Cups

This looks hopeful....particularly following on from Devil, to Wheel, to 9 of Cups, as if a low point is reached on the Wednesday but looking better by the Friday. It is generally interpreted as achieving what you desire. I know what I desire as an outcome -- a settled down mouth, no pain, and able to eat without worrying about it. 

I'm going to do each entry for the next week in the evening to see how things actually panned out.