|Wicca Moon by Shirlee@WiccaMoon|
It's the Death card again. I'm getting a little tired of being told to change. When it comes to change, I dig in my heels something fierce. If I decide to cut down on the chocolate, I eat more of it that day. If I feel like I should work out, I then go days or weeks NOT doing it (saying to myself I'll do it tomorrow). Who am I defying? Don't know. 'Screw it!' I say to myself. 'I'm going to do what I want.' Even though, at least some of the time, I actually did want to eat less chocolate or work out. Sort of. But for some reason I just don't. In a small way, it's like what Paul describes in Romans 7: 'For what I am doing I do not understand, for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but am doing the very thing I hate.' Paul of course suggests that his inner man knows what is good, but his sinful body goes against his mind. Well, I disagree with that. I think it's more a matter of what is gratifying in the moment vs what is best in the long run. Of course it's more gratifying in the moment to eat all the chocolate in sight, or to curl up with a book rather than to change clothes, get all sweaty working out, have a shower, and so on. But then of course I have to deal with feeling guilty and sick, and losing flexibility, muscle tone and cardiovascular health. Trouble is, those consequences are way far way from the moment when you open the foil on the choc, or put on your slippers instead of your trainers.
On the other hand, viewing this card in light of my draw for the week, I can see what needs a Death. Habits are so hard to break. Stephen Covey writes about the 'emotional bank account.' You have an emotional bank account between yourself and every other person with whom you have a relationship. That's a lot of separate accounts! We make deposits and withdrawals from these bank accounts when we interact with those around us. When you do something positive that makes the other person feel good, that's a deposit. And when you do something that creates a conflict or makes the other person feel bad, that's a withdrawal. This morning, I have managed to make, I think, one deposit and two withdrawals. (It's the other person's opinion about it that counts, though.) I feel like my deposits can be quite subtle and perhaps even conditional, whereas my withdrawals range from stealthy cat burglaries to bloody gun battles. This morning, stealth. Even I didn't realize I was doing it until after the fact. But now that I reflect on it, what was the point. The petty things I brought up, what significance are they? What purpose did they serve, but to make the other person in this relationship feel bad? Why would I want to make this person feel bad? What does it matter, these little things? Will they still matter when this emotional bank account is so in the red that nothing can be done for it? Hardly. These habits need a Death, and it's very important, because this is not just me struggling with my stupid little fat rolls, this is another human being we're talking about.
My message for today then, is not about chocolate and exercise. It's about a spiritual life-and-death sort of transformation. I must remember the enormous power of the words of my mouth. Words aren't like bees, that sting only once; they are wasps, and they sting over and over and over again. They can continue to sting for years, decades, a lifetime.
Of all the powerful weapons of destruction that man has invented, the most terrible – and the most cowardly – is the word.
Knives and firearms leave traces of blood.
Bombs shake whole buildings and streets.
Poisons can always be detected.
But a destructive word can provoke Evil without leaving behind it a single clue.
Children are subject to years of conditioning by their parents, artists are mercilessly pilloried, women are systematically undermined by remarks made by their husbands, the faithful are kept apart from religion by those who judge themselves capable of interpreting the voice of God.
Check to see if you yourself are using this weapon.
Check to see if someone is using this weapon on you.
And put a stop to both.