The Chariot

Morgan Greer Tarot 

Thoughts on the Chariot from various sources

The Chariot: a closer look

A Chariot reading: Part 1

A Chariot reading: Part 2 

I've been looking back at old blog entries a bit lately. Seems a shame for them to lie buried in my blog, never again to see the light of day. So I will probably be digging them up a bit, when I remember.

I also have dug out an old favourite deck, Morgan Greer Tarot. I've been using the PCS Commemorative a lot lately, only because it's been open and on my desk and I can't be asked to select a different one. So I've replaced it with the Morgan Greer, and that will be the one I use for a while.

As my card of the day, I hope this shows the day moving forward with all speed, getting things done and getting back home. I don't want any complications today that I can't trample over. It's one of those kind of moods today.

Hope your Tuesday goes smoothly, too!

He's not ADD, he's autotelic: Page of Wands

The Page of Wands is Bart Simpson to me, though I might need to get a more contemporary association, as Bart is becoming a bit outdated now! He is definitely a little minx, with his Earth of Fire elemental affinity. In some decks, he offers advice to follow your heart, which is certainly an Earth of Fire thing to do, and your heart will usually lead you to an activity, probably physical or at least manipulating things in the material realm, that you have a lot of feeling about. Also, traditionally he is seen as the bringer of messages.

But going back to that 'follow your heart' meaning, the Page of Wands reminds me of a term I learned about this weekend: 'flow', also known as 'optimal experience'.

'Flow' is described in a book called Flow: The Psychology of Happiness by Mihaly Csikszeatmahalyi. The state of 'flow' happens under very specific conditions: when we encounter a challenge that is testing of our skills, yet our skills and capacity are such that it is just about possible to meet this challenge. Flow becomes a balance between ability and challenge, which leads to complete immersion in an activity, high concentration, quick and precise feedback on how you're doing, having your abilities stretched but not overwhelmed, loss of sense of self, trance-like state of being in the moment, losing track of time. Most daily activities can lead to 'flow', as long as the situation is sufficiently complex to activate the high challenge/high skill condition. Flow is a rare occurrence in housework, idling, resting, or watching TV. (Damn.)

But this explains why the Page of Wands is such a little tear-about. He's constantly moving from optimal experience to optimal experience. He also seems to have something of an 'autotelic' personality.

'Autotelic' is made up of two Greek root words: auto = self, telos = goal. 'Own goal' -- but not in the football sense (which is a bad thing), but in the psychological sense (which is a good thing), where 'autotelic' means 'having a purpose in and not apart from itself,' or '(of an activity or creative work) having an end or purpose in itself'. The autotelic personality generally does things for the sake of doing them, rather than in order to achieve some later external goal. These people develop skills that help them get into the flow state frequently, skills like curiosity, interest in life, persistence, and low self-centredness. The autotelic personality has the desire to perform activities for intrinsic reasons only, and not to earn a gold star, get a blue ribbon, or receive a qualification. Thus, the autotelic personality, like the Page of Wands, can appear to have a short attention span or lack task commitment because he starts a project and never finishes it, moving on to the next thing. But that is because he's got what he wanted to get out of that experience, and now he's found something new to absorb his interest and concentration. And he doesn't care if you think he's a quitter, because he doesn't care about getting your 'Well done for finishing' badge. He might enjoy finishing if he's stayed in a flow state to the end of something, but he's not necessarily going to stick with something just for the sake of completion. It's not important to him. (This might also explain the 'Again! Again!' response to an activity. If he's still flowing, he wants to keep flowing, and it doesn't matter if the game is over!)

I can relate to that!

Is there anything you're doggedly hanging on to that is not fulfilling to you anymore? Maybe you could be a little Page of Wandsy and leave it, let yourself go find a new thing you'd rather be doing -- try it! You might like it!

A reading in the park

Chloe and I were sitting under a tree today in a local park. She'd just done a reading for herself and she suggested I do a draw she'd read about from Lisa Eddy:

'What truth will set me free?
How will it first piss me off?'

You can see I have drawn Moon and 10 of Cups.

So... what truth will set me free -- confusion, murkiness, something hidden. I was perplexed.

'Life is murky that is just the way it is. Learn from the murkiness, like the crayfish emerging from the depths,' Chloe suggested. 'Out of the mud, the lotus,' I put in, 'and all that malarkey,' I added, waving my hands around. She laughed.

We turned our attention to that 10 of Cups -- the same card I drew yesterday morning. 'It will piss me off because life isn't "Leave it to Beaver"', I said. We stared at the card. 'And I'm not June Cleaver in her string of pearls. This card shows how things are supposed to be -- perfectly clear, a nuclear family, a rainbow, a little house, and everyone happy. It pisses me off that life isn't like that? But I'm one of the most cynical people I know -- I thought I'd dealt with all this already.'

'Maybe it pisses you off that sometimes life IS like that,' Chloe suggested. Brief silence.

'Or maybe there are still things that I expect to be perfect and clear, and it pisses me off that they aren't. I will revisit this later,' I said.

And now it's later, and now a more literal interpretation seems plain.

We went to the Staffordshire Pagan Conference today, and obviously I had expected a certain level of competence from the event -- I had, after all, drawn the 10 of Cups yesterday and sung 'Good Day Sunshine' in anticipation of the event. Yesterday WAS  a fun day in Lichfield. It's a pretty city, and we had a nice meal out.

Then today, we arrived at the venue for conference and there was no signage, no greeter, nothing! But we asked around and found it upstairs.

The venue was set out with chairs facing a stage in the middle, flanked on either side by rows of vendor stalls. Behind the audience was a bar, and behind one row of vendor stalls, a food stall. Everything in one room! This did not bode well, but as Chloe pointed out, we've been to tarot conferences with stalls in the room. It can be done. (Though the addition of a food stall and bar is questionable!)

The organiser did nothing to establish order at start time, he did not call the room to attention, he did not ask participants to find a seat in the audience, and he did not say anything about refraining from shopping the stalls until breaks and lunches. So no one listened to him introduce the first speaker, they just carried on jostling each other at the stalls and talking and laughing loudly. No one listened to the first speaker, who rambled on without once trying to get the attention of the room. We couldn't hear a thing.

I went and complained to the organiser who apologised, but suggested that people would be quieter for other speakers. I suggested it was very rude of them to carry on ignoring the speaker like that. He said he would try to get them to be quieter. When the next speaker was up, the girl who introduced her asked for quiet 'as the speech progresses', but the noise had not died down to indicate anyone was listening to her introduction, and it didn't die down for the second speaker's presentation, either. Couldn't hear a thing. Members of the audience were getting up and wandering away, and by this time they'd opened the bar! Raucous laughter, people getting sandwiches, people milling around the stalls, an echo-y microphone and presenters showing no skills in controlling an audience -- it was nerve wracking. We couldn't take it so we left at 11.45!

That's how we ended up in the park, on a beautiful day, doing tarot readings, a much more edifying experience by far.

So yeah -- murkiness and confusion is a truth about life. I wanted to learn something today, I wanted to hear something I'd never heard before, I wanted some nugget of truth or bit of information that could lead to something new for me. And it didn't happen,  and that did piss me off. But you know, the truth about life is, sometimes sh*t like that just happens. In fact, it happens an awful lot. Things that ought to be good turn out to be disappointing. It pisses you off because you can see how easily it could have been made better, but it wasn't. But you know -- them's the breaks as they say. And if nothing else, today was a lesson in patience, and rolling with it. That includes unnecessarily long wait times between train connections and disappointing porridge. LOL

10 of Cups

Good day, sunshine.
Good day, sunshine.
Good day, sunshine.

I need to laugh
And when the sun is out
I've got something I can laugh about.
I feel good
In a special way
I've got love and it's a sunny day.

Good day, sunshine.
Good day, sunshine.
Good day, sunshine.

I take a walk
The sun is shining down
Burns my feet as they touch the ground.


(Lennon/McCartney)

Ace of Wands

Yesterday's Knight of Cups turned out to be my emotional world -- mood swing-o-rama! I think I'm getting the first dose of perimenopausal hormones and let me tell you it's not pretty. 

Anyway, today it's Ace of Wands. I ain't feeling too bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning, though, so I wonder what on earth this refers to. Maybe I'll perk up after breakfast, though not likely because we're out of coffee this morning -- perfect! At least the porridge was nice; I found some almond milk on special offer at Heron Frozen Food for 2 for £1 and made it with 1/3 milk to 2/3 water, with some ground almonds and honey. 

But I digress. What could the Ace of Wands mean for me today? Traditionally, Ace of Wands means a fresh beginning, new course of action. I've written it in my new bujo (bullet journal) and we'll see what happens today, then! 

Revisiting the Knight of Cups

Here's someone I don't see everyday! The Knight of Cups. Oh, I've talked about him now and then. I think I'll take a look at past impressions of Mr Moonbeams:

Those Cups. They're just so deep: Cosmic Tarot.

Grail Shrimp: Deviant Moon Knight of Cups. 

You have chosen wisely: Haindl Prince of Cups.

Crashing to the shore: Prince of Cups Thoth. 

I remember you: Knight of Cups Greenwood Tarot.

Splash a little holy water on your jaded soul: Knight of Cups Vampire Tarot

Androgynous much? Wheel of the Year Tarot.

Unabashedly odd and loving it: Chrysalis Knight of Mirrors.

Don't feed the plant! Crystal Tarot.

What do you think of the Knight of Cups? Is he a hopeless romantic? I've OFTEN compared him to that kid who films the carrier bag in American Beauty. Here he is:

Oh no! Romeo!

Ricky in American Beauty: 'Sometimes there's so much...beauty...in the world...I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.' -- Perfect Knight of Cups sentiment.

That'll learn ya, durn ya -- 9 of Wands

Do you have a card that makes you feel wary as soon as you turn it over? I guess that's a natural reaction to this card, as the figure in it certainly looks wary.

I'm hoping this is a residual effect of my very strange weekend in the world of Facebook. It all started late Friday night when a friend of mine mentioned her 'Bullet Journal' in a status update. I asked what it was and she sent me this link: bulletjournal.com. Now, I love planners and am always on the lookout for a new one to try. This system seemed streamlined and quirky and would involve buying a new blank book (because clearly the several on my shelves would never do!) I was in! I read the whole thing on the website, then watched this You Tube: How to Bullet Journal.  That was amazing! So simple and streamlined! No folderols and fuss. Completely adaptable. I liked it a lot. My friend directed me to a Facebook group called Bullet Journal Junkies. I visited, but was disheartened to see that hobby crafters had latched on to the Bullet Journal name and made it about buying loads of stickers and doing hand lettering, and not much else. Many people photographed their 'spreads' (which seemed rather a departure from the Bullet Journal concept I'd just been introduced to) and lamented their lack of time or commitment to actually filling them in. What? Okay. After looking for a group that was actually following the original method, I decided to just start one called 'Minimalist Bullet Journals.' Within 24 hours, over 500 people had joined. I was unprepared for this, I'd only just heard of the Bullet Journal concept that same day, and everyone seemed to have strong feelings about...everything. It's a dangerous proposition to jump into the middle of a fetish property, but seriously -- who knew? I quickly appointed 8 admins. By last night, there were 800 members. People were instant messaging me about 'stuff'. I decided this was all a bit too much considering all I had wanted was to chat about what amounts to a glorified 'to do' list, so I handed the reins over to the admins and withdrew from the group. That will teach me to jump in with both feet!!

So yeah, Wary Larry there has just been through some sort of wringer and now he's on the lookout. I feel ya, Larry! ;)

A reading

What can I do to create calm and reduce panic through this process? What ideas should I dismiss? What ideas should I embrace? What actions should I take? What actions should I NOT take? 

To create calm - Queen of Wands

The Queen of Wands believes things are possible, and like the King of Wands, is not necessarily that bothered by the details of how to get there. Someone else can deal with those, as long things are moving toward the goal. She has an overall vision and that is what is most important. She does not micromanage. She is also enthusiastic and looks on the positive side of events. Her gaze here is turned toward the 6 of Wands. She focuses her attention on the rewards of a positive outcome. In addition, the Queen of Wands shares out her enthusiasm to a variety of projects, does not focus on just one thing. The advice, then, is to identify what end result I want from this process and keep that ultimate goal in mind, allowing others the freedom to do what it takes to make that happen. And do OTHER things, too!

To reduce panic - 6 of Wands

Celebrate each achievement along the way. Focus on the good things that are happening at each step, and keep the ultimate triumphant outcome in mind.  Each thing that occurs is one step closer to the final goal. It's the outcome that counts.

Dismiss this idea - 6 of Cups 

The person you thought of as a child is not a child. Dismiss the idea that this person is naive and unrealistic. This person is fully capable and does not need you as a babysitter. 

Embrace this idea - The Chariot

Movement. This process will unfold if I let it. 'Without your turning it, the earth will spin,' as Eliza Doolittle says to Henry Higgins. Let the Chariot proceed. 

Take this action - The Emperor

Let the man do it. (The card spoke to me in those exact words, I hear it and I'm taking that message.)

Avoid this action - 4 of Swords 

Do not ruminate on things. This is not the time for contemplation or meditation -- that way leads to overthinking and stagnation. 

In summary, I am advised that to create calm and avoid panic in this process, I should keep a positive outlook as the process moves toward my ultimate goal. I should keep my energy fixed on the good outcome of the entire process rather than trying to micromanage every individual step along the way. And I should turn my attention to more than just this project -- I should put energy and enthusiasm into other things. I should see the capabilities of some I may have previously seen as not up to the task, and look for the overall forward momentum of the process. And finally -- avoid inaction. Get up and do something Queen of Wandsy. 

The craftsman, the patron and the cleric

Same card two days in a row. Three of Pentacles. I've written about it a few times over the years.

The craftsman confers with the patron and the cleric.

Working with others to make your vision come alive. A shared vision comes into reality through working together. Each member of a team contributes his own skill set to create the desired outcome. Reaching a shared goal through cooperation.

The wheels are well and truly turning on our house purchase. The solicitor has been instructed, paperwork sent in, payment for searches will be sent today, surveys have been paid for. There's nothing else for me to do now except wait and keep chasing to see how progress is being made. I've also sent the occasional text to the vendor to update him on our progress, and he says they've found a house they want to make an offer on, so let's hope it's accepted and not in a chain.

I've read it takes 8-12 weeks to get to exchange of contracts. So that would put us around week of 8th August...we might be in a house by September! This is assuming of course that all surveys come back good...

What's happening in your life that calls for a shared goal, teamwork, and the contribution of many different skill sets to achieve? What team are you working in? Which are you, the craftsman, the patron or the cleric? How are you all three?

Teamwork plus

Today's card is 3 of Pentacles. I'm taking this to mean that my behind-the-scenes team is going to be beavering away today to get the work done to complete the sale on our house. I suppose I'm the guy in the yellow and red cloak -- overseeing and poking and prodding a bit to make sure everything's moving apace. Like yesterday. I kept at my mortgage broker until he finally took my call, and it's a good thing I did because he'd asked for the wrong level of survey for this property. He apologised, made an excuse. So now he has to go back and change it today. I will be there through this whole process, making sure it gets done right, because to them I'm just another number, but to me, this is my life. You can bet I'll be checking up on whether he changed that survey.

Everyone's got a job in this. I'm the agitator.

Money, money, money

Funny I should draw this card today, as I woke up at 4.00 this morning 'dreaming' about critical illness vs income protection cover. Money, money, money has been on my mind a lot for the last few days.

Six of Pentacles can mean lots of things. The interpretation I usually see in it is charity or lending. The querent may be either the wealthy man holding the scales and deciding what is the right amount to give, or the beggars receiving alms. This could represent applying for a loan, or waiting for an inheritance, insurance payout, or other cash windfall that must be determined by the judgement of a third party. It could be the querent deciding how much to pay employees or whether to lend someone money or cosign a loan with them.

Another interpretation is the flow of money in your life. The 6 of Pentacles would represent a balanced flow of income and outgo -- not necessarily an abundance of riches, but a balance, as represented by the scales and the fall of coins from the hand of the standing figure. You have enough money to pay everyone who holds their hand out to you, ie, your bills and other financial obligations.

The card can also carry warnings (if you read reversals, these would come when your card lands upside down). Obviously, no one wants to be a beggar. The shadow or reversed meaning of 6 of Wands could be a warning not to take on too much debt, or not to become too dependent on handouts (such as from the 'bank of Mom and Dad'). There could also be a shadow side to being the giver -- are you giving as a way of showing off your wealth? Are you lending with strings attached? To lord your power over someone? No one wants to be a tyrant, either.

The card, then, carries both positive and negative meanings for me today. Yes, I can find a way to balance a level of insurance cover within my budget. But it is possible that I could bite off more than I can chew, debt-wise, and even if I find a policy that is not a burden to pay the premiums on, I might find myself at the mercy of the insurance provider as to whether they are going to pay any benefit, should the time come for me to make a claim.

Of course, I already knew all this, so the tarot has simply given me a snapshot of my current state of mind. It will almost always do that if you don't ask a specific question.

My question then became what can I do to help balance those scales in 6 of Pentacles? I shuffled and drew 5 of Cups. I thought that over for a while, then shuffled the deck again, refining the question as I shuffled to, 'What can I do to find the balance of the flow of money in my life with regard to insurance cover?' Guess what I drew -- 5 of Cups.

Fine then! The only way to do this is to go to some dark places. I'm going to have to think about some worst case scenarios. I'm going to have to look at the dark clouds and not the silver linings, the spilled cups and not the upright ones. I'm going to have to look at the situation on this side of the river, not the refuge awaiting over the bridge on the other side. What would happen if... type questions.

But I do not have to decide any of this today. And the 6 of Pentacles takes on a fresh interpretation. Maybe it is giving me a message beyond a snapshot today. Because at the moment, my focus should be on getting the mortgage and paying associated fees. The card is a very literal piece of advice on what should be my focus. I am not even in the house yet. The sale hasn't even happened. I have to pay a lot of folks and get a house and mortgage in the first place before I should start worrying about losing them. I can deal with critical illness and/or income protection after I have a house. The only insurance that is pressing is the home owner's insurance.

For me, trying to decide about everything at the same time is too stressful. I will tell my financial adviser that I do not want to make decisions about illness cover right now. After all, I can't help but remember, he gets a commission from every product I buy, of course he would like to see me do everything at once. But I would like to get settled in my new home for at least 3-6 months so I can make a real world assessment of my income and outgo in the new setting. Then I will be in a better position to determine how much I can budget for illness cover. At the moment, any figure I suggest will be, as they say where I'm from, a wild-ass guess.

So that's what I'll do. I'll take this one step at a time. Right now it's focus on the mortgage, the solicitors and surveyors fees. It's getting into the house in the first place. Other stuff can come later.

What's the opposite of schadenfreude?

This card has been a key player in my draws since mid-April. Keeps turning up, once as a blockage card. The 6 of Wands is about victory, but not lasting peace. The 7 of Wands that follows it shows active defense, as the figure staves off an uphill attack from his position at the top of the hill. Still, there's no point in borrowing trouble. 'Be not therefore anxious about the troubles of tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof', as Jesus himself said in Matthew 6:34. For today, enjoy the success.

James Ricklef's book, The Soul's Journey: Finding Spiritual Messages in the Tarot, suggests aspects of this card I have not considered before. Ricklef says that the number six is about reciprocity, and that the 6 of Wands advocates gratitude for the encouragement others give us, as well as having more than a lukewarm or grudging praise for the success of others. (Sort of like the opposite of schadenfreude.)

The message I'm taking is that it's okay to feel successful today, but don't be surprised if another hurdle is thrown up in the future. That's the way life is.

What happens next?

Yesterday we made an offer on a house and it was accepted. That's exciting, but there are many fragile junctures along the way where things might fall apart. Our mortgage application might get turned down. The survey might uncover something that means the house is not a good choice for us, or that requires specialist reports. The solicitor searches could reveal information that throws a spanner in the works. The seller might decide to pull out of the arrangement to accept a higher offer. Okay, that's four things.

1. What will be the outcome of the mortgage application? 10 of Cups
No problems. We'll get a mortgage.

2. What will be the outcome of the survey? 4 of Pentacles
The survey will help us to feel financially secure. Safe investment. Or it might bring out extremes of risk aversion. Could be both!

3. What will be the outcome of the solicitor searches? The Devil
They say the Devil is in the details. What can get more detailed than solicitor's searches and the resulting mountain of paperwork? The Devil card is the mirror image of the Lovers card, showing it in its most unflattering light. The solicitor's searches will take all the feeling out of 'home' buying and make it about the mundane aspects of ownership of a building and piece of land. There is nothing pretty or enjoyable about dealing with the conveyancing aspects of buying a house. The solicitor's searches reveal the dark reflection of the property. Every property has snags, and seeing them can be scary.

4. What can we do to prevent being gazumped? 4 of Cups, clarified by 7 of Pentacles
There's not much you can do but sit and wait and see what happens. Not content with that answer, I drew again, and got 7 of Pentacles. Okay, then, 'stand and wait and see what comes to fruition'. Like that any better? (Seriously, my tarot deck has an attitude problem.)

Edited to add: I asked for clarification on the Devil card and drew 3 of Swords. Fantastic! Everyone loves getting that card combination, let me tell you. I've interpreted Devil + 3 of Swords as bipolar or mental illness before. So I asked 'What can I do to prevent this making me feel nuts?' and I got Ace of Pentacles. Be prepared to hand over more money. Interesting. Or it could be, be down to earth about the whole thing.

It's a good thing I believe I am the captain of my fate and master of my soul!

Time to reshuffle the cards and ask something a bit more empowering:

What can I do to make sure that this house is a sound investment? 
What can I do to ensure that the buying process goes off smoothly? 
What should I NOT do? 

I can weigh the pros and cons and decide for myself. It's going to be a balancing act of goods and bads. I can be as informed as I can and also put some stock into advice given to me by impartial experts. And I should NOT think there's a way to 'win' this. The whole process is fraught with risk and compromise. Don't try to be the triumphant warrior, it ain't going to happen and will only hurt me in the long run. 

Okay, time to think about something else. Have a great weekend!

Spiral Tarot 8 of Cups

Spiral Tarot by Kay Steventon US Games 1997

I like the Spiral Tarot a lot, but it's such a shame about those borders. I even cropped them off a deck, but then it felt denuded and wrong, so I passed that deck along to someone else and bought a fresh copy. You just have to wonder - why? Why purple and white marbling? Why a red and white inner border? Why the white on red italic, why outline that in white? Did the artist come up with this or was it the publisher? (Shaking my head.)

Anyway, I do like the Spiral Tarot. A lot of the cards depart from traditional meaning, like this one, 8 of Cups. The LWB says: 'The goddess is returning to the underworld for the winter cycle. A need to go into your inner world to find what is missing from your life. Unfulfilled love. Leaving an unhappy situation.'

Okay, 'leaving a situation' is a common interpretation of 8 of Cups. But descending to the underworld, or going within, is not seen so much. That would make this figure Persephone (or in Roman mythology, Proserpina). Persephone was abducted by Hades, which you'd think would be a bad thing, but Persephone adapts so well to the Underworld that she becomes its strong and powerful queen. She loves it down there, and loves Hades, too. When her mother Demeter finally finds her, Persephone doesn't want to come back, but she agrees because, well, it's her mother. But she had tasted the pomegranate in Hades (which has all sorts of juicy connotations having to do with awakenings of various appetites, ahem) and is no longer 'pure'. She's tied to the light and to the velvet dark. So for part of the year she visits her mother in the light, and brings with her growth and life, and for part of the year she goes back to the arms of Hades and her role as Queen of the Dead, so the earth lies dormant and cold for lack of her presence.

Well now, that brings up all sorts of possibilities for reading this card.  But the crux of it is changing directions, or turning away from one path to follow another, or moving your attention from one thing you love to another thing you love. It could even be moving into the underlying or deeper levels of a situation, or examining its hidden or shadow side, particularly of emotions, as this is a cups card. Eight of Cups is Water of Water, so this is the 'feelings of feelings' card. Maybe it's a time for doing some introspective journaling, or listening to music that amplifies your mood and just going with it, or immersing yourself in a book or film that brings out your emotions. Anything that helps you experience your emotions more fully and perhaps explore what lies beneath them. Most importantly, like Persephone, you get to come back from this journey. You don't have to choose one or the other. You can have both.

Or maybe you just need a big juicy bite of pomegranate, if you know what I'm sayin'.

Free your mind and the rest will follow: 8 of Swords

Who's tied herself up with her own thought life, then? Could it be...me??

You've got to hand it to Pamela Colman Smith, if she came up with the concept for this card herself, she deserves to be remembered forever for this card alone. It has to be one my favourites in the deck because its message so blatantly obvious.

There she is, bound and blindfolded and in an impossible situation! She's surrounded by swords! She's all tied up! She can never escape! There's no one to help her, she's doomed.

And yet -- there's a flipping citadel nearly within shouting distance behind her. Her bindings are practically sliding off her. Her blindfold is so askew one wiggle would give her some vision. And that horrible circle of swords is only there on two sides. Yeah, it's a trap all right. A trap made of delusions.

BUT. If she doesn't take some sort of action to take stock of her situation and remove herself from it, when the tide comes in, she could very possibly drown. Drown, even though she was never in any real peril beyond her own imaginings.

Who's to say how she got into this situation? It's pretty hard to blindfold and tie up yourself, so it could well be that whatever delusion she's trapped by was not self-created. Maybe she was taught things that created entrapping thoughts. Maybe she was lied to. Maybe she was gaslighted! Maybe she was fed messages all her life by her own culture that have made her feel disempowered.

People lie. But that doesn't mean we have to drown in their lies. People hold erroneous beliefs. That doesn't mean we have to drown in their erroneous beliefs.

Are you going to try to wriggle free of your programming today? Or keep listening to the bastards who are making you feel crazy, trapped, helpless, disempowered, confused, useless and paralysed with fear? Your choice.

The lady of the house

She's back! 9 of Pentacles from the Pamela Colman Smith Commemorative Tarot.

This lady has turned up at least three times since we started our search for a house.

'A message from this card is to make your home a place of peace, comfort and renewal. This card reminds us that our "outer space", the world around us, plays a part in our spiritual progress, too. No matter how modest your home is, it can be all that, for the size and budget of your home are not important. A small cottage can be a warm, soothing environment, while a mansion can seem cold and sterile,' James Ricklef, The Soul's Journey: Finding Spiritual Messages in the Tarot, p. 256. 

Tonight we view a house. Perhaps it will become the place of peace, comfort and renewal Ricklef refers to here. It is up to us to decide if those particular floors, walls and ceilings will be transformed by us into such a refuge.

I will enter the space with clean hands and a clear mind. After all, we have a viewing of a different house scheduled for tomorrow. There will always be houses. And we will find a house.

When emotions cloud the issue: the Lovers

Intuitive Tarot by Cilla Conway

The guidebook suggests these lovers are conjoined at the shoulder and chest, but I don't think they look any more conjoined than the male in the image looks armless -- I just thought the female's arm was tucked behind her. However, a lot is made of this 'conjoined' element in the text, so the artist must think it's really important.

To me, the conjoined element points to enmeshment, not in personal relationships for me at this moment, but in other kinds of emotions. Because Lovers also points to choices, and you know what I've been thinking about a lot lately. This Lovers card seems to warn against lack of boundaries and logic in choice making. Who is that sinister figure looming while the lovers remain distracted by their emotions?

It's no secret that I am involved in magical practice, and lately I've been asking my like-minded friends to contribute energy to my house search. Twice now I've found places I've been interested in, and have sent out a call for energy. Most of my friends offer it without hesitation, but last night I asked my niece, who has been practising magic a lot longer than I have, and she said something that brought me up short: 'Do you love this house or are you settling?' Whoa. I said I like the photos but haven't seen the house yet. She said go see it and talk to her again. 'I would 100% give my energy, but you need to feel your own first.' I told her yes, but that this house coming up right now seems portentous, because just Friday night we went for a walk on that street and I had wished for a house to come up on that street, and on Saturday morning the listing appeared! She was not impressed. 'Understood, but you haven't been in the space yet. Wishes are all fine and good, but sometimes...not so much. You need to cleanse and open channels and walk the space. Those of us that use our feelings or other parts of the mind are often susceptible to being pulled in to unhealthy situations. Do not jump before you think.' So I asked her what I should look for. 'It's not about looking for problems,' she said, 'It's about walking the space with an open mind -- shields and guards up of course -- but feel, and trust your gut. If anything feels off, not good. Just let go of any want for the house. If you walk in with expectations, that is not good. Be clinical. Not personal. Meditate and cleanse your mind before you go. Then let me know.' Now that right there is discernment and wisdom, folks. So the viewing is tomorrow night and tonight it's a cleansing ritual.

Anyway, so that's what the Lovers means to me today. Choices about enmeshment in my desire to own a house. Today is the day to separate my emotions and fears and baggage from logic. I had resolved to be logical in my house search, but in spite of myself I find myself setting my heart (somewhat) on something far before it's time to get emotionally involved, and sending out calls for support far before it's time for even me to commit to any sort of intention. That enmeshment in the process has to stop. Yes, the housing market is brutal and if you hesitate you lose out on a property. So be it. So be it.

Stalked by the Emperor

I've drawn the Emperor again today, so it looks like a good time to try a 'stalker card' spread. I've used Angelorum's before, so I've chosen the one at Over the Moon Oracle Cards.

To get the six cards for this reading, I decided to shuffle the Emperor back into the deck, then find him again and use the six following cards to fill in the blanks (another recent stalker, Temperance, turns up in a key position, and 9 of Pentacles make a comeback as well!):

Dear Carla, 

When I show up in your daily draw, I'm giving you a message about the way you see the world, the way you are searching for 'completion'. You've got your face turned away from the real story. You're using me to try to create the world you think you want. 

I'm here to show you what's happening. You are seeking a 'happily ever after' outcome, searching for whatever it is 'other' people have that makes them appear contented. I want you to find your own balance in this life. I want you to take the good with the bad, because no amount of preparation is going to keep the bad from happening. But you can cope. Life is a mix of both, that's the formula, that's how it is meant to be. It doesn't work otherwise. Keep letting them mix together, shake them up good, that's how to find what you seek. 

When I appear, I am asking you to release your desire to feel competent and secure all the time. You have been using some of my qualities to get those feelings, but you have lost the balance. There is more to me than power to control. 

I want you to acknowledge all that you have accomplished in your life, and to revel in what you have now. I want you to be content in this present moment. I want you to realise that you already have as much security as you will ever have, and it is enough. It is no less than anyone else has in this life. 

When you see me, it's time to practice unconditional acceptance of everything. Find your connection to this life, and to other people! Be guided by your heart, trust your inner sense of what is true, not your fears of what might be unless you make lots of rules. When you see me, it is time to practice the opposite of the me you think you know. It is time to release, and to connect. 

Sincerely,

The Emperor  

Hey ho, he's telling me the same thing he told me yesterday. Tarot is so patient that way. It just keeps pointing you in the direction you need to be looking.

Today I can let go of trying to control the outcome of a certain thing by staying off certain websites and not dwelling on a certain event that happening next week. Instead, I can focus on enjoying my current situation, the freedom of the day, the luxury of a Sunday, and I can phone my mother (I just remembered it's mother's day in the US.)

Do you have a stalker card? What do you think it's trying to tell you? It will send you a letter of explanation if you ask!

We three kings

I won't say anything more than this: there's a house that appeared today that ticks a lot of boxes. The vendor isn't showing it until Tuesday, and we have made an appointment for the afternoon.

I asked a friend about it, (a very skilled and knowledgeable friend) and she drew the above cards, with this note:

"I drew Paths, Tree, Fish, Lily and House. This is a healthy location, an older house (Lily House). Fish in the middle -- if you have the finance the house is yours. You have three sequential kings in that! = Plans work out. Good luck!"

 Needless to say, this thrilled me. A candle has been lit, an intention set. Roll on, Tuesday!

The Emperor's new pants

I hardly ever draw the Emperor. He is a bit maligned, but I rather like him. To me, he represents order, structure, and civilization. He's that aspect of the Father, whereas the Magician and the Hierophant represent other aspects of the Father...

But why is he here today? He looks rather formidable.

James Ricklef to the rescue again:

'When we release our need for control and allow the Divine to be the Emperor in our lives instead, we find our way toward peace. This does not mean we should never make plans; it just means we should not worry about them. It doesn't mean we should not work toward or goals; it just means that we should do what we can and then realise that the results will unfold as they are meant to...In other words, when we try to control life here in the material world, it can be like trying to control shadows without realising where they come from' (The Soul's Journey: Finding Spiritual Messages in the Tarot, 26). 

How have my preparations and arrangements been controlling my life? How has this been a self-made trap? How can I become more flexible? How can I allow uncertainty and ambiguity enter my understanding of things? How can I allow 'maybe' and 'I'm not sure' into my vocabulary?

First I must allow that things that my arrangements and preparations had defined as impossible might actually be possible. This entails letting go of particular beliefs. It requires a completely new way of looking at the same issues. It involves risk -- or rather, what feels like risk, because it is outside of the boundaries of a self-imposed 'safe' area.

The Emperor doesn't like that, look at his face. But he'll just have to get glad in the same pants he got mad in.

4 of Pentacles: Filling the Void

Questions from Mary K Greer's 'Tarot for Yourself':

What is keeping you centred? What are your greatest strengths? How are you powerful? What gives you a sense of security? What do you want to hold on to or possess? Who or what do you need to protect? 

I last drew this card nearly a month ago, so I linked to it in the 'Featured Post' to the right.

I do draw this card rather frequently, and it is quite true that stability and security are very important to me. You could perhaps say they are an obsession to me. Material possessions are not that important, but security is. Stability is. Spending makes me feel that I'm putting myself in danger, always has. I've always looked upon everything in terms of how many hours it took me to earn the money that paid for it. I drop a teapot and say, 'It took me half a day to earn the money that bought that and now I've broken it.' Or I might justify a purchase by saying to myself, 'That is only fifteen minutes of work.' I'm a scrimper and saver and my little hoard makes me feel safe, in the same way I feel satisfied knowing there are several tins of baked beans and plenty of rice and pasta in the pantry -- we won't starve. Not that I ever have starved (though when I was in uni I remember living for a week on a box of Cheerios, so I guess your definition of starving may vary.)

I've never considered myself materialistic because I don't feel the need to keep stuff and frequently have clear-outs where I give away or donate loads of accumulated things, and I am not bothered about flash cars or prime real estate. Still, even though my security blanket may be less flash than some, I suppose my grasping need for feeling safe is a type of materialism. There are more ways to feel secure and stable than a certain amount of cash in the bank or number of cans in the pantry, but these are two of the coping mechanisms I've developed.

Wanting to take a closer look at this today, I have turned to James Ricklef's 'The Soul's Journey: Finding Spiritual Messages in the Tarot'.

The question becomes, 'How much do we have to have in order to find peace and happiness?' and the problem is that for many of us, the answer is generally, 'More!' But if you have your basic needs met so that you do not have to worry about them, then you do not need more money to become happy; you need more stability within. 

This I quite agree with. If I were interested in acquiring a lot of money, I would have pursued a more lucrative career, I would be more of a go-getter in that way. I don't really crave money so much as stability, so let's see what more he has to say:

Through practices like meditation, mindful living, and spiritual devotion, you can create inner stability and find a place of refuge within where you will find peace and security in times of turbulence and anxiety. So a spiritual practice is like putting money into a savings account when times are good so that it will be there to carry you through when times get tough. 

I agree with this statement and have lived firsthand this experience of a meditation practice serving me well in times of trouble. And it is true that money in the bank was not my biggest concern at that time -- though of course that could have been because there was some money in the bank!

Here's the sentence that stands out strongest to me today:

We each have our own dysfunctional ways of filling the void that is not really there... 

'...when the real solution is to work on rediscovering our true divine nature, which does make us whole.'

It's not wrong to want security or even to be materialistic. It's not wrong to be rich. It's not virtuous to be poor. The 4 of Pentacles reminds us to examine our deepest needs for security and stability. Where do they come from? How are they affecting our decision making? Our anxiety level? Our overall enjoyment of our lives? Do we need to inspect and challenge the behaviours we have developed in order to feel secure and stable?

I think maybe we do.

Is this the house for us?

Can you believe it, there's a house we like!

Hubby's questions:

Is it structurally sound? 
What are the neighbours like? 
What will parking be like? 
Will we be peaceful and comfortable there? 

My questions:

What do we need to know that the seller may not be telling us?
How much work will we have to do to it after we move in? 
What is day to day life in the neighborhood really like? 
Is this the right house for us? 


And I drew:

Now I'd trust a survey over a tarot card reading, but 8 of Swords for "Is it structurally sound?" does bring you up a bit short. At the very least, it reminds me that an intellectual assessment of the situation is going to be better than an emotional one. I drew another card to clarify and got Ace of Swords! So yes, I believe the card is telling me to be sure to get a good survey done, because my own assessment will not be worth much.

Looks like the neighbours are good folk who also want to be happy, so that's good.

For parking we've got a guy looking at wide open spaces, so perhaps this means parking will be available, though maybe not three steps from the door!

9 of Wands for "Will we be peaceful and comfortable there?" Well, home ownership has challenges, and it will be a learning curve for us for sure. So I drew a clarifier and got 9 of Cups -- two nines! and this one shows it will be an emotionally fulfilling situation, even though it has challenges.

The seller may not be telling us something about a struggle they've overcome, and they might even be moving to get away from it, but as long as they've sorted it out before they left, that shouldn't be too bad. We can but hope that the survey will pick up whatever it is.

After we move in, it looks like the house will mainly need routine maintenance and responsible home ownership. It is after all, over 100 years old.

Day to day life in the neighbourhood is represented by 3 of Cups, so while it is generally happy, it may be a bit boisterous perhaps? I suppose living in a house may entail more interactions with our neighbours than we're used to? I'm hoping it doesn't mean drunken carousers up and down the street all night!

Is this the right house for us? 6 of Pentacles. It is the right house for us as far as balancing our finances, for sure. Being recently updated, all things up to code, and more or less completely redone on the inside, it sits comfortably in our budget.

If we make an offer on this house, will it be accepted? - 9 of Pentacles

ETA:

The house opens straight onto the street, what if any problems is this going to present?  - Knight of Pentacles - 8 of Pentacles - Chariot -- Cars getting in and out for work? Though it may also suggest planning to build a little vestibule in the front room (but I don't know how the Chariot works into that one!)

How easy will it be to resell if we decide to move? -- 8 of Pentacles - Hanged Man - Wheel of Fortune -- Maybe not that easy, but it's a crap shoot. 8 of Pentacles turns up again, I see.

Should we buy this house? Or should we wait and keep looking? 9 of Wands for buying, 5 of Wands for wait and keep looking. Neither one seems much better than the other, does it? If we buy we may wonder if we've done the right thing, if we keep looking we're in a competitive market...

It's a good thing I don't make big life decisions based on a tarot card reading -- and I don't recommend that anyone should!