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Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Very apt

It's the Three of Orbs (3 of Swords) today from Sirian Starseed. It's also Day 3 since my trauma. I woke up this morning feeling sick and crying. Thankfully, yesterday I went to the GP and was given beta blockers and valium and that controls the anxiety enough that I can actually think rationally.

'Through the dark hour of the soul, when all appears to be dim, and the mind's eye is clouded to the vision of the higher purpose of difficult or painful experiences in life, the light of understanding is within your grasp. The card invites us to conquer the mind's focus on pain and loss, and look to the light, where we can transform our thoughts to acceptance and forward motion.' ~Patricia Cori, LWB

And some really penetrating questions:

What core beliefs or convictions have to be let go of?
How can you accept the pain of your loss and learn from it? 
What fear of separation or infidelity is causing you to suffer? 

I can't share with you the answer to those questions, but I can say that this card strikes deeply where I am at this moment. These are good questions for journaling, I think. Or just for sitting and pondering.

The Indigo Angel card for today:

Another lightning card, interesting. The LWB advises: You're extremely sensitive and can unknowingly absorb a lot of negative energy. This limits your understanding. Step away temporarily and connect with this beautiful planet. 

A walk would probably do me good at that. I may do that. But first I have to coax myself out of my bathrobe and bleary valium-induced haze (and don't think I'm not grateful for that haze right now). 


  1. Sounds like you've entered the gates of hell, at least emotionally. May you find your way out soon, a stronger and more whole woman than when you entered. (((Carla)))

  2. The haze is good for now. It will sooth you until you can find comfort within
    Gentle hugs

  3. Hope you did make it outside, even if just on a quick foray for baking powder :) And journalling sounds pretty good, too! (((Hugs)))

  4. That oracle card's LWB entry was actually a good one to me, and this is coming from a person who isn't a fan of most oracle decks I've seen. I agree that Patricia Cori's words were useful, too.

    Contrary to popular wisdom among tarotists, I have found many companion books (and a suprising number of LWBs) to have very incisive, useful insights in them. In fact, I've often thought that I could get just as much from doing bibliomantic readings with companion books/GOOD LWBs as I could from laying out the cards.

    If I seem detached in the face of your pain--no, I'm not, I feel for you and with you and in fact, I just had a wave of anxiety hit me about an hour ago when I learned about the worsening of a situation in which I feel (and, to be quite accurate, am) powerless to prevent disaster.

    An hour ago, a walk outside during my favorite time of year wouldn't have helped me; I couldn't have focused, and the exposure to natural beauty would have pricked at me with poignancy.

    Oddly, what helped me this time was focusing on minutiae. I opened up an internet browser, read some byzantine and argumentative comments posted to a controversial article people have been furiously debating. Comment after comment, flame wars, good points made on either side... The appeal to the Swordsy part of me worked, and I was able to let slip the anxiety in that moment. Now I feel at rest even if not at peace. The heartbeat is normalized; breathing is not a labor.

    I have often said that while in the midst of a volatile mental or emotional state, the last thing I think of is doing a reading; I don't think I'd be able to focus even if I wanted to. If you're able to, I'm very glad for that. I do feel as if now, having alraedy mentally detached myself (at least for the moment) from the anxiety, I could lay out cards and focus on them.

    Maybe what I just did with the article wasn't "correct" or "healthy" from a professional's standpoint. Maybe I'm supposed to "deal with" [what does that mean, anyway?] the fear or pain as it comes, live in the moment [ditto?] , etc?

    Maybe Patricia Cori could help explain? How do I/we "conquer the mind's focus on pain and loss, and look to the light, where we can transform our thoughts to acceptance and forward motion" ? ?

    1. I'm not sure how we do that. For me, it is about seeing things as rationally as I can, and formulating a short term plan, even if that plan may change again in a few hours. The alternative is to disappear into tears and wailing. And that's no good.

    2. Google is really messing me around today. I'm afraid I'm going to lose my ID entirely. Technology, oy.