9 Feb 2015
I arrived at the Krishnamurti Centre about 2.45 in the afternoon. A nice man called Wilfred showed me around all the facilities, then to my room, and explained about meal times. He left. So there I was. Now, usually arriving at holiday accommodation means plunking down the suitcases, a quick cup of tea after figuring out how to plug in the kettle, slurped whilst examining tourist leaflets and speculating on what we can manage to see before it gets dark. After all, we're on annual leave, no time to waste, gotta see what we came to see! (The itinerary would have been planned - by me - weeks in advance, but with some leeway for weather and travel time. Cause you know, I'm flexible.) But this time -- I was on my own. It was just me. And this is where I am; there's nothing to do, nothing to accomplish. This is it. For the next. Four. Days.
I sat down on the bed, at a loss. Then I noticed the welcome folder on the desk and opened it and the very first page of the folder contained this quotation:
'I think it is essential sometimes to go on retreat, to stop everything you have been doing, to stop your experiences and beliefs completely, and look at them anew, not to keep repeating like machines whether you believe or do not believe. You would then let in fresh air, wouldn't you? That means you must be insecure, must you not? If you can do so, you would be open to the mysteries of nature, and to things that are whispering about us, which you would not otherwise reach; you would reach the God that is waiting to come, the truth that cannot be invited but comes itself...
'In a retreat, do not plunge into something else, do not take some book and be absorbed in new knowledge and new acquisition. Have a complete break with the past and see what happens. Do it, and you will see. You will see vast expanses of love, understanding and freedom. When your heart is open, then reality can come. Then the whisperings of your own prejudices, your own noises, are not heard. That is why it is good to take a retreat, to go away and stop the routine -- not only the routine of outward existence, but the routine which the mind establishes for its own safety and convenience.'
-- Jiddu Krishnamurti, 1952
I was struck by the phrase 'That means you must be insecure, must you not?' Ah ha. So this uneasy feeling I was having, this unfamiliar situation of a completely neutral environment with no programme, no companion, no goal -- is a normal reaction! Reading that helped me relax at once. It was okay to feel unsure.
