One Deck Wonder: 9 of Wands

Two days in a row I've drawn 9 of Wands from the Thoth Tarot as a daily draw.

Monday evening: What did I get right today? Answer: 9 of Wands. 

The 9 of Wands has the key word 'Strength'. It depicts 8 interlocking arrows, fletched by crescent moons, and with a crescent moon on the tip instead of an arrowhead. Overlaying them is a staff, tipped at the top with a blazing sun, and at the bottom with a moon. The moon is in Sagittarius in this card, which apparently is a good thing. The significance of these details is lost on me, to be honest, but I do understand the meaning of 9 of Wands. I believe I did show, or work from, a place of strength on Monday, because I not only confronted a manager about something that struck me as in need of addressing, I also stepped forward into a situation later that day that was rife with potential for rejection and being returned to a well-worn emotional groove. 

Tuesday: What was the significance of the dream I woke from this morning? Answer: 9 of Wands. 

In my dream, hubby and I are walking along a path, approaching a sort of bridge that has a wall to the left of it, with some shrubbery and plantings overhanging it. We are in a kind of valley, surrounded by hills and trees. Water begins to spill over the wall and cover the walkway on the bridge, and the air crackles with the sense of something coming, something building. I realize that I am about to be tested. The water builds. The sky becomes stormy, wind picks up. 'Run, grab onto something!' I yell. We run up the side of the valley toward the rim, but only get half way up when the sky begins rolling with clouds and a huge wave of water comes crashing over the edge of the top of the valley, to our left. There is a fence post sticking up out of the ground and I run to it, grabbing on. I begin sucking air in and out deeply, preparing to hold my breath. Hubby is somewhere nearby, he thinks my breathing is a gasp of shock, and looks up and sees the huge wave. 'Oh my god!' he yells. I am still breathing deep. 'Hold your breath and hang on!' I yell. 

Water crashes around me. To my surprise, I find that holding my hand in a circle around my nose, I can still somehow get air. All the water presses heavily upon me, but I feel as if a small bubble surrounds my body. At first I think I am going to be okay, then the water begins to press VERY heavily upon me and I am holding my breath. From behind me I sense that hubby has sprung upwards and is swimming toward the surface. I try to move my arms to follow but the water is so heavy I can barely move them. The water presses me down. I can't get my feet off the ground. I know I am going to drown, and I also know this is a test. I should not have instructed hubby to hold on. He's going to survive and I'm not, but I could have killed him. I should have gone limp and let the water take me. 

In the strange way of dreams, I find myself at the top of the water, which is brown and muddy and moving swiftly. 'I should have let go,' I say to hubby. 'I should have let the water take me.' But saying it, I feel afraid, imagining myself swept away, at the mercy of the water, dashed against rocks. I know I have failed, then suddenly the situation resets itself. I am given a second chance. I'm back at the bottom. And yet, I still cling to the post, still suck in my breath, still hold it, still feel the heavy water, still can't swim. I feel the oppressive weight of the water and my lungs are nearly bursting when the alarm clock rings. I scramble for my notebook and pen before the details of this dream can fade.

9 of Wands. Strength. 
Lesson: Letting go takes more strength than hanging on.