Revealing unacknowledged personal qualities

This reading came up after a long, rambling conversation with a friend about my 'direction in life'. The job I have been in for years is not satisfying to me, but I have no idea what direction I should go in, how to identify my 'true vocation' or where my potential lies. I do know that I have been in a kind of stasis for a very long time, and while in many, many ways stasis is a secure and comfortable place to be, it does leave one feeling wistful, like something is missing, and I know that can suddenly spiral into a deep dissatisfaction, which in turn can become hopelessness and even despair. Something needs to change, but what? How?

Having talked at length, my friend and I agreed on the following three questions, then I shuffled, cut and drew:

What qualities, talents or attributes do I possess that I do not fully appreciate? Queen of Wands
What would help me appreciate these qualities more? The Fool
What would give me the impetus to make changes? 6 of Coins



Queen of Wands
Now, I have a history of a personal negative reaction to the Queen of Wands (of course when  reading for others I can and do take into account her positive attributes, but on a personal level, I mostly perceive her in her shadow aspect), and so this card made me groan, and the friend who was reading for me laugh. I don't readily see Queen of Wands qualities in myself...it is one of the court cards that I least identify with. So, my first task, really, is to take a good look at Queen of Wands attributes and try to see them (or develop them) in myself. Here are some ideas from various sources:

'She is confident, life-giving, generous, but sometimes fierce. She can be passionate sexually, but impatient with a partner who shows weakness or hesitation. A love of life, a time of ease.' ~ Rachel Pollack, Tarot Wisdom

'Don't deny yourself the right to be as accomplished and attractive as you want...Ask yourself right now if you are as confident as you can be; do you think you are attractive, and if not, why not do something about it? Get out there and enjoy your current well-being.' ~ Sarah Bartlett, The Tarot Bible

'The Queen of Rods is a lady with an independent and passionate nature. She is freedom-loving, lively and often creatively gifted. Warm-hearted and tender, she combines these admirable traits with practicality.' ~Jonathan Dee, Tarot: Interpretation and Divination

The Queen of Wands feels attractive, is optimistic, confident, full of energy. She loves being active, and has self-assurance in her own abilities. She believes in herself. She likes to tackle projects, and believes that she can accomplish what she sets out to do. She is a natural athlete and enjoys physicality, loves being healthy and fit. She can enthuse others. I don't know how to begin to see these qualities in myself. I can see how I do NOT embody these qualities, but it's hard for me to recognize them within myself. Still, off the top of my head, I am currently like the Queen of Wands in that:

• I find myself speaking my mind, particularly when I feel ill-treated, or that others around me have been. I am not shy of piping up in those instances, even though I can see from the faces of others that they find the moment uncomfortable.
• Some types of weakness or hesitation definitely do make me impatient. (Though in many other ways, I myself can appear weak and hesitant).
• I have ideas about the way I would like to dress, but I have yet to do it.
• I am certainly independent and freedom-loving. 
• Despite my recent sedentary slump, I do enjoy working out and I am always conscious of eating well.
• I do enjoy quite lively conversation, if in a one-on-one situation or small group. 
• I am passionate about my beliefs and my point of view.
• I want those around me to be happy. 
• I won't let other people walk on me.

I wonder if there are other ways that I manifest Queen of Wands energy, and can't see it myself. It's a question that might require its own mini-reading. 

Fool

The very wise friend who did this reading for me said, 'The thing that would help you appreciate the Queen of Wands qualities in yourself is not to judge them.' So true. There are things about the Queen of Wands that I find myself being very judgmental toward. The Queen of Wands is so flamboyant and theatrical, and a lot of what she does is calculated to call attention and adulation on herself. I hate that. It's not something I consciously consider doing, self-promotion. The Queen of Wands is a master at it. One of the best things I can do for myself, according to this reading, is to stop making judgments about the Queen of Wands aspects that I reject, like self-promotion, self-belief, self-admiration. These things don't have to automatically be self-aggrandizement, but to me they always sound like it. That's me judging the Queen of Wands qualities and seeing them as bad. The Fool doesn't judge, he just moves through life experiencing it. Why shouldn't I move through life experiencing it as Queen of Wands for a change, instead of avoiding it because it sounds like self-aggrandizement? I am no doormat. I have not let life beat me down. There are so many ways in which I have triumphed over life, and they all have required Queen of Wands aspects of myself. It be a very useful exercise to make a list of my most significant accomplishments and then list the Queen of Wands qualities that made them happen. So there's another post in the making! 

6 of Coins

It occurred to me once that my only work experience has been in 'helping' fields: and in fact, each time I've taken one of those 'work aptitude' tests, the results suggest I should be a social worker, counselor, teacher, therapist, etc -- all roles involving communicating with people to help them improve their lives. Tarot reading especially falls under this umbrella, and if I didn't believe that providing tarot readings could truly help people, I wouldn't do it. One of the reasons I find my current work unsatisfying is that, while I do assist people all day, it is on a very superficial level. I don't feel I make a difference. My friend doing the reading made all sorts of suggestions of things I could do which might give me material for a career portfolio, but I failed to feel motivated to do them until she pointed out ways that doing this extra work would be of use to other people. We realised that the 6 of Coins suggests that whenever I feel demotivated to do something, I should find the ways in which doing it would help others or enrich other lives. That is a very helpful way of looking at things to me; what might seem self-aggrandizement looked at one way, could actually be a service to others seen in another light. That makes me value it more and feel more motivated to actually do it. 

In summary, the reading tells me that I should look very hard at those things I've been reluctant to do, at things that feel like 'self-aggrandizement' to me, to stop judging those things, and instead to see how those exact same actions can be of service to others, and let that motivate me to make changes that will ultimately lead to a happier life for me. And hopefully to a more satisfying livelihood.

Thanks to my friend for this reading.