Stop draggin your heart around

Hey, it just keeps getting better and better. The Cosmic Tarot offers me 9 of Swords today -- 'Lord of Cruelty'. Well, yee haw.

Wow, this guy is in trouble. So's his pal Slithery the Snake. It's raining swords. One has gone right through his back, one through his leg, and the house is falling down. Yes, lord.

This card is about lack of empathy -- either toward you, or coming from you. The imagery in this card is quite merciless. There is no escape for this poor man. The barrage of swords is coming down, the buildings are falling down around him. From the other side of the house we see a tank rolling onto the scene, and in the air behind him, a plane approaches. This is an all-out attack.

After yesterday, I was really hoping for a more positive card, I have to admit. But I can take heart from this sage advice from Angel Paths Tarot:

Often, this card will be a comment on your own treatment of yourself - if you denigrate yourself and beat yourself up, you are facing the worst enemy of your entire life - you know your every weak spot, your every Achilles heel. You know just exactly what hurts you most, you have no defence against yourself, and you cannot walk away.

So, you must examine yourself first and foremost. Are you treating yourself badly? Are you giving yourself a hard time? Are you chipping away at yourself relentlessly? If you discover you are, it's time to stop. Hurting yourself about things within that you feel unhappy about is as pointless as trying to carry water in a leaky bucket...you cannot adjust what you see to be wrong, because you are too busy standing in judgement upon yourself to gain any form of perspective or objectivity. And without these two useful analytical tools, you won't understand what you need to do to feel better, neither will you have the motivation or self-love to follow through. So..treat yourself with respect and tenderness whilst attempting to change what you do not like. Give yourself plenty of encouragement and praise for each small step you make. Don't be cruel.

I am in a new job. Today is the end of the fourth week. I really must stop beating myself for what I don't know, or feeling anxiety about the steep learning curve ahead of me. I have learned a lot in four weeks. I will learn a lot in the coming weeks. I have not made a serious error yet. I probably won't. It's true, I haven't received any really positive feedback, either, but I guess that's just the way it is in this workplace. People don't take the time to offer Encouragement.

Well, maybe I will start encouraging other people. Maybe I will start complimenting people on the work I see them doing, even if it's just to comment on what a nice-looking spreadsheet it is. What can it hurt? It might annoy people, but it might make me feel better. And it might make them feel better, too.

The 9 of Swords is Mars in Gemini. Mars is the 'action planet' - a fiery energy that can be assertive and daring, but also destructive. Mars, after all, is the god of war. Gemini is an air sign, of the mental realm, and Gemini energy loves words. So...add together fiery, war-like energy and thinking in words, and what do you get? Destructive, negative self-talk! 'Each of us knows this to be the "inner self cruelty" of our consciousness, as it cuts us with the emotionally poisoned blades of embarrassment, low self-esteem, humiliation, self-condemnation and/or inner disgust' (Eli of Thoth Deck Tarot).

When I first drew this card, I thought I was going to be the victim of some real cruelty coming at me from outside sources, but nope. It looks like the cruelty is going to come from within me. I don't have to go there, though. I've been warned, I can watch my self-talk and my reactions to whatever stressors present themselves.

What can I do today to that will bring me pleasure and positively impact my future? I've already thought of the idea of complimenting people's work. I can also focus myself on all that I have accomplished so far in my new job, all the new skills I've learned, and all the tasks I've achieved.