Just like a tree that's standing by the water

'Cruelty. Nine of Swords. Consciousness has fallen into a realm unenlightened by reason. This is the world of the unconscious primitive instincts, of the psychopath, of the fanatic. The celestial ruler is Mars in Gemini, crude rage of hunger operating without restraint; although its form is intellectual, it is the temper of the inquisitor. 

There is, however, a way of dealing with this card: the way of passive resistance, resignation, the acceptance of martyrdom. 

Nor is an alien formula that of implacable revenge.'  -- Aleister Crowley, The Book of Thoth 

Implacable revenge may not be an alien formula, but it doesn't make for a pleasant Thursday. Neither does the acceptance of martyrdom, but Uncle Al did like to be melodramatic. Passive resistance, now, that is something I can go along with. And I may need to engage in it at some point, if anyone or anything tries to draw blood today. But will I need to let passive resistance become resignation, and finally acceptance of martyrdom? I refuse! (Or should I say, I resist!) 

Like the swords themselves, cruelty is double edged. People can be cruel to each other, but we can also be cruel to ourselves. Uncle Al's first remarks are about the 'realm unenlightened by reason' -- and what is overthinking and the replaying of tapes but this? So apart from being on the lookout for outward cruelty today, I must also avoid bashing myself. 

I'm not up for a fight today. I'm done with all that. So I'm not having one, with myself or anyone else. I will not be engaged. You can try to bully me, you can try to beat me down, but I will not be moved. 

Greenwood: Dedication

What should be the focus of my spiritual practice this week?

Greenwood Tarot, Ryan & Potter 1996

I have not engaged in any formalised spiritual practice in a very long time. This last week has been hard, and I believe that returning to a daily spiritual practice can only be a good thing. I've been playing with the Greenwood all week, just shuffling and looking at it and reading the book, not doing any readings, trying to decide what role it should play in my life right now.

The image here is luminous. The female figure in blue robes, decorated with spirals and leaves, having swan feathers in her hair, plays the bow with an arrow like a violin. More arrows shoot out from her in all directions. Thousands of luminous flecks light up the area around her. It's like she puts out her energy and receives luminous energy back in return. It is an interplay between herself and the universe. But she cannot experience this without the key ingredient of dedication.

'To heed the calling to dedicate one's life to any skill, spiritual path, belief system or philosophy requires sincerity, self-discipline and hard work. It is a sacred summoning that requires time and effort,' writes John Matthews and Mark Ryan, in the Wildwood Tarot companion book (which is more or less an expanded version of the Greenwood companion book.)

The card I've drawn spells it out very plainly. If I want a spiritual practice, I have to do it. I can't just think about it, intend to do it, or write journal entries about it. I must do it, and that requires dedication. The card portrays the rewards of this dedication very well.

Stop draggin your heart around

Hey, it just keeps getting better and better. The Cosmic Tarot offers me 9 of Swords today -- 'Lord of Cruelty'. Well, yee haw.

Wow, this guy is in trouble. So's his pal Slithery the Snake. It's raining swords. One has gone right through his back, one through his leg, and the house is falling down. Yes, lord.

This card is about lack of empathy -- either toward you, or coming from you. The imagery in this card is quite merciless. There is no escape for this poor man. The barrage of swords is coming down, the buildings are falling down around him. From the other side of the house we see a tank rolling onto the scene, and in the air behind him, a plane approaches. This is an all-out attack.

After yesterday, I was really hoping for a more positive card, I have to admit. But I can take heart from this sage advice from Angel Paths Tarot:

Often, this card will be a comment on your own treatment of yourself - if you denigrate yourself and beat yourself up, you are facing the worst enemy of your entire life - you know your every weak spot, your every Achilles heel. You know just exactly what hurts you most, you have no defence against yourself, and you cannot walk away.

So, you must examine yourself first and foremost. Are you treating yourself badly? Are you giving yourself a hard time? Are you chipping away at yourself relentlessly? If you discover you are, it's time to stop. Hurting yourself about things within that you feel unhappy about is as pointless as trying to carry water in a leaky bucket...you cannot adjust what you see to be wrong, because you are too busy standing in judgement upon yourself to gain any form of perspective or objectivity. And without these two useful analytical tools, you won't understand what you need to do to feel better, neither will you have the motivation or self-love to follow through. So..treat yourself with respect and tenderness whilst attempting to change what you do not like. Give yourself plenty of encouragement and praise for each small step you make. Don't be cruel.

I am in a new job. Today is the end of the fourth week. I really must stop beating myself for what I don't know, or feeling anxiety about the steep learning curve ahead of me. I have learned a lot in four weeks. I will learn a lot in the coming weeks. I have not made a serious error yet. I probably won't. It's true, I haven't received any really positive feedback, either, but I guess that's just the way it is in this workplace. People don't take the time to offer Encouragement.

Well, maybe I will start encouraging other people. Maybe I will start complimenting people on the work I see them doing, even if it's just to comment on what a nice-looking spreadsheet it is. What can it hurt? It might annoy people, but it might make me feel better. And it might make them feel better, too.

The 9 of Swords is Mars in Gemini. Mars is the 'action planet' - a fiery energy that can be assertive and daring, but also destructive. Mars, after all, is the god of war. Gemini is an air sign, of the mental realm, and Gemini energy loves words. So...add together fiery, war-like energy and thinking in words, and what do you get? Destructive, negative self-talk! 'Each of us knows this to be the "inner self cruelty" of our consciousness, as it cuts us with the emotionally poisoned blades of embarrassment, low self-esteem, humiliation, self-condemnation and/or inner disgust' (Eli of Thoth Deck Tarot).

When I first drew this card, I thought I was going to be the victim of some real cruelty coming at me from outside sources, but nope. It looks like the cruelty is going to come from within me. I don't have to go there, though. I've been warned, I can watch my self-talk and my reactions to whatever stressors present themselves.

What can I do today to that will bring me pleasure and positively impact my future? I've already thought of the idea of complimenting people's work. I can also focus myself on all that I have accomplished so far in my new job, all the new skills I've learned, and all the tasks I've achieved.

Ancient Italian Tarot Pairs: Day 5

'Life isn't as serious as the mind makes it out to be.'

~ Eckhart Tolle

3 of Coins                                    9 of Swords

Another 'Embrace -- Release' draw from the Ancient Italian Tarot today. Today's advice is to embrace 3 of Coins and release 9 of Swords.

Three of Coins always makes me think of work, because it is a card of craftsmanship, and to a degree also of team working. The Nine of Swords is usually about painful overthinking, to the point that your worries invade your dreams or even keep you awake at night.

All week the cards have told me to embrace cups and coins, and to release swords. In other words, to embrace reality -- the reality of my physical life and of my emotions -- and to release worrying, stressing, overthinking, or attempts to outmaneuver the body and heart through doublethink. It's interesting to me that wands haven't popped up so much -- I'm usually stalked by Knight of Wands or Queen of Wands, the cards of fire and action. This week seems to be pointing me inward, not to my mind, but to the breath and to the spirit.

On a more mundane level, this combination of cards advises that I trust in my own skills and get on with my tasks, and not worry about it. It's not the day to have 101 contingency plans. Today's the day to just do something, trusting that I know what I'm doing.

A study in raspberry

Titania's Star Tarot, 2003

The scan looks darker than the card in real life, the 9 of Swords from the curious Titania's Star Tarot (Quadrille 2003): a field of pale lavender, a 10-pointed star in a darker shade, with 9 lurid magenta scimitars ranged in three triangles over all. Weird.

Titania says in her book that 9 is 'the most optimistic side of Aquarius' and that it is the number that is always concerned with wishes. She then goes on to say that the 9 of Swords 'points to frustration with friends, and a tendency to be let down by them' and that its key word is doubt.

I wonder why there is a 10-pointed star instead of 9-pointed star. I wonder why it's pink. I wonder how a person could ever get Titania's interpretation from this card. If you didn't know, how would you know? When I see decks like this one, I always wish I could sit down with the deck creator and just ask them to go through with me their thinking behind it, and reveal to me the little secret, private meanings that the symbols have for them, because I am convinced that everything that goes into a deck means something special to its creator, particularly in a deck like this one.I don't know why, but this deck just shouts at me, 'Created by a witch who knows exactly what she is doing, whether you do or not.'

If I were doing a reading with this deck for someone, I'd call upon my own knowledge of the 9 of Swords and suggest that they may be feeling stressed or worried, perhaps with troubled sleep. Depending on the cards around it, though, it could be saying not to expect the worst when there's no evidence of trouble--and in that case, it could represent a pessimistic state of mind that needs addressing.

'But Lancelot mused a little space...

Legend Arthurian, 1995

...He said 'She has a lovely face. God in his mercy lend her grace, The Lady of Shalott.' 

The Nine of Swords is the card of worry, nightmares, mental stress, anxiety, sleepless nights, and so on. In Legend Arthurian (Ferguson, Llewellyn 1995) it is represented by the Lily Maid of Astolat, Elaine, who in Tennyson became the Lady of Shalott.

In this card, Elaine is floating down the river toward Camelot. She has given up on life and is in the throes of despair because she loves Lancelot, but he cannot return her love. (She dies on the journey and her boat arrives in Camelot, where Lancelot takes care of her funeral arrangements. Nice of him).

Rider Waite Smith

I don't have any particular worries today, as we are heading off on holiday to Wales today. I'm hoping that we will have a restful week off and there will be no Nine of Swords nights or moments at all! :)

I've always loved the story of Elaine, and also the poem 'The Lady of Shalott'. And of course the beautiful Waterhouse painting:

The Lady of Shalott, John William Waterhouse

How many swords of Damocles is that?

Servants of the Light, Aquarian 1991

I had to laugh when I drew this card from Servants of the Light Tarot, Aquarian Press 1991. I have to go back to work today! Ha. :)

Seriously, this is the card of bad dreams, sleepness nights, troubling thoughts. But as the Servants of the Light companion book says, it's all relative. If you've drawn a card asking about the outcome of your entry into the jam-making competition, chances are you'll come last. It's not likely, though, that you'll be decapitated for it. That made me laugh, I like that.So even though this card gets a bad rap, it's not as bad as it may at first seem.

I tend to see this card as overthinking, blowing problems out of proportion, worrying yourself into a corner (or a sleepless night).

Whatever happens today, I'm not going to let it worry me into a sleepless night. Nothing's as bad as it may at first seem.

May I keep perspective today, whatever may happen. 

Mantra: 'Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out. Breathing in, I live in the present moment. Breathing out, I know it is a wonderful moment. Present moment. Wonderful moment.' (This is the first mantra I ever learned. It is by Thich Nhat Hanh and beautiful beyond words. After the first repetition, continue by just saying 'Present moment' on the inhale, and 'Wonderful moment' on the exhale. Obviously it is a silent mantra, said in your head only.)

Flower essence: Mustard (dispels the black cloud overhead)

Musings on the Celtic Tarot: Swords

Suit of Swords--Celtic Tarot, Davis  

The first thing I notice about this suit is the arcing of lightning or electricity and its various manifestations throughout. You can see the first stirrings of it on the tip of the sword in the Ace, then the big spark jumping between sword tips in the Two. It's gone in the Three, but beginning to whirl up again behind the swords in the Four, goes a little crazy in the Five, shoots a clear steady beam in the Six, becomes a full on power storm in the Seven, then is pretty much gone in Eight, Nine and Ten. The background of those cards also appears a deeper red. Why? Looking closer, you can see that there is a ball of energy in Eight, a few glimmering pinpoints in Nine, and a few even smaller ones in Ten. Curious...what could it mean?

Tuning into sorrow

Gaian Tarot (Llewellyn 2011)

Today's card is a curiosity. I don't know what to make of it. It is the Gaian Tarot equivalent of the RWS 9 of Swords, which usually depicts a woman or man awaking abruptly from a nightmare and covering their face in their hands. It has to do with sleeplessness, worry, troubling thoughts, vain imaginings, walking the floor, anxiety, overthinking, etc. The woman in this card has been suffering these symptoms, but she is shown snuggling up to a standing stone and levitating in the purple storm with a cat-eared mask overlooking her.

She Who Watches

The companion book  mentions that the image in the sky is She Who Watches, 'a petroglyph found near the Columbia River on the border of Washington and Oregon.' No other detail is given, other than that She Who Watches is 'the One who always watches over her with love and compassion.'  A Google search reveals that the petroglyph is based on a female chief called Tsagaglal, when people were not yet real people, and so we could still talk to animals. Trickster Fox asked her how she was going to watch over her people when they faced the times of trouble to come, and when she could not answer, he turned her into this stone. That's one version, anyway.

Here is a retelling by Ed Edmo:

I think the card is suggesting that the woman has entered a journey of some sort whilst meditating on her grief. The image in the card is what she may be seeing in her journey, thus the floaty levitation in the purple sky, and the misty appearance of She Who Watches. If I stare at the card, I begin to sense the roiling motion of the clouds, and the image of She Who Watches dematerialises and reappears at different angles. Perhaps this is meant to remind us of the temporary nature of all our emotions. What we feel and think comes and goes, nothing is permanent, and our moment of despair will eventually turn out to be as insubstantial as the dew.

The card doesn't entirely work for me. It lacks the intensity and immediacy of the traditional waking-from-a-nightmare image, and the hands over the face seems to be a universal symbol of crushing hopelessness and despair that is lacking in this card.

On the other hand, the idea of leaning into the pain and experiencing it in all its physical and emotional aspects can be a deep insight meditation practice, and possibly more healing in the long run. The woman strikes me as listening carefully to the vibrations of a tuning fork, the standing stone. She's grounded in and experiencing her grief utterly. Now, I personally find the constant reassurance of this deck that a 'benign force is watching over me' to be unhelpful, but this is the Gaian Tarot, so one would expect this message to keep coming across time and again. In other words, I can do without She Who Watches...but if that's what this woman (and the deck creator) sees on her journey into her own despair, who am I to question. I'm just taking it to represent any images that flit through the mind during these moments of meditation, whatever symbol is of profound comfort to you personally.