I bought some herbs today, oh boy

I just bought these herbs and pots today. From left to right: peppermint, lemon thyme, oregano, rosemary, sage.

I'm a little worried because when I took the plants from their plastic containers to pot them, they had massive root systems that filled the entire container. I wasn't expecting that, but I'm no expert on plants by any means. So when I put them in the new clay pots, I had to add hardly any soil at all around them. Perhaps I should have bought bigger pots, but it's too late now. I can't very well unpot them all and exchange the pots. It's just like me to take something that was meant to be fun and relaxing and find ways to stress and fret over it. I don't want the plants to die because the pots are too small, they're not getting enough light, the window's too drafty. Etc.

The fact is, I've been way more stressed lately than I ought to be. I don't know if it's hormones, my work situation, worry about things back home in America, or general malaise caused by the upcoming equinox. I don't know what it is.

So I drew from the Haindl Tarot. What is going on today? What is the underlying cause? And what is a possible solution?

Haindl Tarot, borderless with handwritten notes

So...the current situation is 2 of Wands, titled 'Self-Control.' The card is all about power and control, and that is something I felt very little of over the last few months. I feel powerless over my own life lately. It's hard to explain, it's not rational, but the feeling is there, and expressed very well in this card. You should have seen me for the last few days. I have cleaned out boxes, chucked out old stuff, ruthlessly cleaned the kitchen cupboards and re-organised the whole place. And still on the agenda for this week are the cupboards in the bathroom, hallway and the dreaded bedroom closets. It occurred to me today that all this is a way for me to try to exert some sort of control in a situation where I feel I have so little control.

Which brings me round to my temper lately. Oh, it has been volatile. The underlying factor of this draw is Kali, which I've labelled Warrior Queen. Kali is the 'Mother of Wands in the East', she is wild, female energy; she can be vindictive, cruel, exulting in her power and respecting no boundaries. I have shown qualities of Kali over the last few days, and I know in many ways I long to be her completely. Kali's story is complicated, but suffice to say that she is a total bad-ass who sprang from her mother's forehead to annihilate an army of demons (she sucked their blood and made their heads into a garland to wear around her neck) and in her ecstatic frenzy killed her husband Shiva who was trying to calm her down, then proceeded to have sex with his corpse. That's one version, anyway. You can see her doing that on the card above. She represents a dark, raw, female power. I think the card may be pointing toward perimenopausal symptoms--or maybe just me wanting to come into my full power and kick some butt and not have to apologize for it---aaaaargh!!! (Zena Warrior Princess/Tarzan yell type thing.)

Possible solution, Lovers. The card indicates, obviously, support from a loved one. Look at the woman in the card, though. She's clearly had too many pies, her hair is flying right off her head, and her lover would do well to do exactly what he's doing--hand her a drink and stand well back!

And on that note, I'm off to make some lunch.