Magical working

So about my spell. At the London Tarot Festival I attended a Tarot Magic workshop conducted by my friend, Chloe McCracken. Chloe and I have similar ideas about magic, and a similar approach to using tarot cards for spellcasting, so I was on familiar ground in her workshop (which I would highly recommend, by the way). We were asked to think of an area we would like to change, and to work on this layout:

1 - The Situation/Issue                        3 - Energy Needed                     2 - Desired Outcome

I have often used this layout both for tarot readings and for spell work; it is called a 'bridge' layout, because the card in the middle serves as the bridge to get you from where you are (1) to where you want to be (2).

I decided that what I'd like right now is 'motivation to return to exercise and healthy eating.' We then went through our cards selecting what card best represents our situation/issue. I settled on 8 of Swords, because I reasoned that it is my thoughts/attitude that keeps me trapped in this situation, and that I could certainly get myself out of it -- if I could break free of my self-imposed bindings. (I didn't yet realise what those were, but I was soon to find out!)

For desired outcome, I tried drawing for it, but I got a series of discouraging cards that to me were telling me now is not the right time to work a spell on this topic: Hanged Man, 10 of Wands, Death, Emperor. I gave up on drawing and just went through the deck and selected 7 of Pentacles, with the rationale that a good outcome would be the patience to keep going with a program that is progressive. For the middle card, energy needed, I couldn't select a card. If I knew what energy I needed to succeed, I guess I wouldn't need to resort to magic or tarot to solve this problem! So I decided to draw for it.

I shuffled the cards and fanned them out face down, closed my eyes and moved my hand above them slowly, feeling for that small tug of energy that would lead me to the right card. I drew Ace of Wands and laid it in the middle.

Ace of Wands! Oh! I don't need to 'return' to any program, I realised. I need something completely fresh. This clarified the 8 of Swords to me. I am trapped in thinking that what worked for me before is appropriate now. And believing that, I have become disappointed and discouraged with myself that I can't do the workouts that I did ten years ago, and that I have no interest in the kind of eating program I was on ten years ago. The Ace of Wands told me that I don't need to redo what I did before -- in fact, doing that is the exact opposite of what I should be doing. This also clarified all those odd 'desired outcome' cards. If I tried to do what I did before, the outcome would be unsuccessful, a burden, etc.

This of course meant that 7 of Pentacles no longer made sense in my spell. So I decided to draw for it. I repeated my process for drawing a card and drew -- 3 of Wands. This reinforced my belief that the cards were telling me to open myself to new ways of thinking and new ways of eating and new types of exercise. I must let go of the past and look to the future, see what's out there, see what is right for me NOW, rather than trying to repeat what I did before. This might sound obvious, but I actually never thought of it. I had just been telling myself, 'I know how to do this. I've done it before. I just need to do it again. Why can't I do it again?' And I was trapped in this circle, have been trapped here, for quite some time. So I did need the cards to wake me up to the possibility that there is more than one way to do this!

We were then asked to make a few notes on a ritual and to start a to-do list of practical actions to take in support of our spell. We ran out of time fast! But I came to some illuminating conclusions as a result of this simple exercise. My notes from the workshop:

I've been ruminating about this draw and this spell all week. I'm still pondering my approach to the spell, but my altar is now set up, and I am feeling ready this weekend to continue working on my practical actions list and to take the spell forward. 

Today, I thought it would be interesting to draw from the Devas of Creation about this spell. As I shuffled, this card lept from the pack and landed face down on the floor:

 It is the Deva of the Valley (Devas of Creation, Cilla Conway 2013). The card reinforces my softly-softly approach, my need to be gentle with myself and to take my time in this working. 'The Deva of the Valley indicates that we will find a place that nurtures, supports and protects us,' says the companion book. 'The Deva is here to show that everything is possible. It's a soft, fertile place of healing.'

I have a to-do list that begins with clearing away the old to make way for new discoveries. That is why I am not creating a dream board before I start this working. The dream board will be created as I discover each new technique and idea to incorporate into my new program of movement and nutrition. But I do have a central image now -- I will start to collect pictures of rainbows.

(ETA: I just found this old post about this very topic -- from two years ago! Examining Influences.)

(ETA again: Thursday 16 July is the New Moon, and a Blue Moon. The New Moon is in Cancer, and its associated is Chariot and Queen of Cups -- so an auspicious time for a spell about new starts, I should think!)

Prepping for success

It's the last day of the big first week! I have one bit of induction today (an important bit, but it's still only 1.5 hours of the total day) and I hope to have the time to sit down with all the materials I've been given and start to map out the pattern of my work. What regular events/tasks do I have? How often do they occur? How can I best track what needs tracking? I'm hoping I will be left alone to get on with this prep work, which will make my workload simpler to manage once the tasks start for real.

The card points me toward the weekend, or perhaps the end of the day today: 'You can now start to take a break and appreciate the results of your hard work and effort,' says the companion book, which goes on to say, 'Once we have prepared the ground and planted the seed, we need to stand back and let the growing take place without further interference or worry.' That's the kind of work I hope to get done today.

But but but...I don't wanna!

Morgan Tarot

I don't want a card telling me to be patient today. I don't want to be told I need to put the work in and then wait to see what happens. I don't want to then have to do even more work to gather the harvest of my previous work. BUT...that's what I got today. The 7 of Pentacles from Morgan Greer Tarot. Dang.

I want a card that shows a fairy godmother riding a unicorn from a rainbow-filled sky, alighting into my life to make me slim, beautiful, wealthy, confident, owning my own house, with a clear financial future, a flat belly and thigh gap.

But what do I get? A farmer who looks like a refugee from The Joy of Sex telling me anything I want in this life I've got to work for it. Booo!

Oh well. He could also be telling me today is a good day to take stock of my harvest, so let's do that. What have I got?

*My husband
*A new job about to start
*My health
*A place to live, even if I don't own it. (At least the rent hasn't gone up since we moved in here in 2002, and that's got to be a good thing!)
*A pulse

So...it's not all bad. Can you see I've had a mood swing since yesterday? Just a bit!

What do you do - pull the covers over your head?

Thoth Tarot

You know, this is the kind of card that puts people right off the Thoth Tarot. You draw a card marked 'Failure' and you read accompanying text like this: 'When the 7 of Disks shows up in a reading, you better hope your question was "What's going to happen to my worst enemy?"' -- and you pretty much want to give up entirely. (That quotation is from Lon Milo DuQuette, by the way). Crowley's relentless pessimism has to be ignored. You know what he was like. It's his way of poking us with a stick, no doubt laughing to himself.

Crowley's divinatory meaning for this card is 'unprofitable speculations and employments, little gain for much labour.' There is an air of promise that never came to fruition. To me, it's more of a 'spinning your wheels' kind of thing. It is like the darkest interpretation of the RWS 7 of Pentacles, the farmer waiting for his crop to be ready for harvest. That card has a feeling of potential, whereas this card is more like, 'You did all that work only to lose a good portion of your crop.' Who needs that?

The thing about this sort of card, though, is not to just read 'Failure', DuQuette's discouraging words, and to either go back to bed or march off into the world ready to receive the blows of outrageous fortune. You have to examine the meaning of the card in light of how you can make the best of it. Otherwise, what is the point?

Yes, the card points to material difficulties. Start by identifying them. Is it your job? An investment? Your physical body? Where might there be difficulties? (Ignore the word 'Failure'. Seriously. That is just a trigger -- Crowley and his ilk love pushing your buttons. Let them be pushed but let them be pushed for good and not despair!) Then ask yourself -- am I blowing these difficulties out of proportion? Am I dwelling on them too much? We know what happens when we dwell on things, right? This card can be a cue -- identify areas in which you feel that you may be facing 'failure' and get a grip! Get some perspective! Look at where you are right now. What actions can you take to prevent this 'failure' that looms so large in your imagination? Do you need to do anything at all?

Maybe all you need to do is let go of worrying about it. Maybe you need to gather information. Maybe you need to have a talk with someone. Maybe you need to stop doing one thing and start doing a different thing. Or maybe you just need to chill out and think about something else, let it lie.

And that brings us back to the RWS 7 of Pentacles, doesn't it. Patience -- doing what you can and leaving it.

Today, I will not worry about my fears of failure. I will take steps in the best direction I can identify and I will occupy my mind with other things.

(ETA. After I wrote this entry, I had a look at Angel Paths and Zeigler's book. We share the same opinion about this card. :) )

Sacred harvest?

Druidcraft Tarot, 2005

The Seven of Pentacles usually means 'patience' to me. It's harder for me to interpret this particular image from Druidcraft Tarot as patience, in contrast to the traditional RWS image of a farmer leaning on his hoe observing the plants, as though he's waiting for the right time to harvest. In this image, the Druid is actually cutting mistletoe. That doesn't seem like waiting patiently. In fact, the companion book (which I haven't actually looked at in years) suggests that this card is more about harvesting than waiting for harvest. 'You can now take a break and appreciate the results of all your hard work and effort.' But it then goes on to say,'Once we have prepared the ground and planted the seed, we need to stand back and let the growing take place without further interference or worrying. It's possible the harvest has not yet arrived, in which case the card counsels patience.' Ah ha! So the image doesn't necessarily reflect the meaning of the card in this instance. Because harvesting doesn't equate in my mind with waiting for the harvest! The card, then could mean harvest, waiting for the harvest, or -- the book goes on to suggest -- 'clearing out unnecessary clutter.' Hmm.

I'm not sure what I see in this card for me today. Apparently the mistletoe was held sacred by Druids because it grew high off the ground with no apparent roots, and since it had no obvious connection to the earth, was held sacred to the sun. That still doesn't really help me decide what this card has to do with my day today. So we see a Druid harvesting something he holds sacred. I must have a good think and do some observing today to see what 'sacred' thing I will end up harvesting. Or, what sacred thing I need to wait a bit longer before harvesting.  Hmm, a sacred thing. What could that be. OR, what unnecessary clutter do I need to clear out? Because I guess when you get right down to it, mistletoe is a parasite which the tree itself would consider unnecessary clutter! Surely this isn't pointing to the cookies again! Great, now those seven pentacles are looking like a plate of cookies, ha ha. Well, they've certainly been unnecessary clutter in my diet lately. Pfft.

Easy does it

It's Sunday and I've drawn the 'now you must wait' card, Seven of Coins. This is the Touchstone Tarot by Kat Black, and a lovely thing it is. I quite like this demure maid in her brown and green garb, pouring a bit of water from a blue and white delftware pitcher into her terra cotta pot of flowers. All you can do with a plant, really, is water it occasionally and wait to see what happens. So today must be a day for me to think hard about my life. Where am I rushing things? Where do I need to show more patience? What aspects of my life need pruning? What might need repotting? Where am I rootbound? And where am I getting not enough (or too much) light? You could chase this gardening metaphor forever with this card, but it all comes down to seeing how the minor adjustments you make today pan out tomorrow. Pinch it back today, it may be weeks before you can see the consequences. On the other hand, overwater today and the plant will probably be droopy tomorrow, dead by next week! So -- once again -- moderation is a key. Moderation and patience. And we all know how popular that pair is. :)

I just thought of that song from 'West Side Story' that they sing after the big rumble where Tony kills Bernardo --

'Boy, boy, crazy boy! 
Stay loose, boy! 
Breeze it, buzz it, easy does it. 
Turn off the juice, boy! 
Go man, go, 
But not like a yo-yo schoolboy. 
Just play it cool, boy, 
Real cool!'

Well, it takes some serious monkey mind to make the leap from a placid 16th century garden to the mean streets of 1950s New York City, but I seem to have managed it. :) That's part of the joy of tarot reading. It calls into play the most unexpected connections in the mind. Bits of song, flashes of poetry, scenes from films, memories from your own life, bits and bobs randomly present themselves, to shed light in the unlikeliest ways. 

I'll take my time, and take it easy today. And not get IMPATIENT about things I've been working on lately.

Change of plan?

Cat's Eye Tarot, US Games 2011

Here's a pip card with no pips on it. I have to admit, that does annoy me. I have a few decks in which the illustration does not include the right number of pips; I just wonder WHY? Why not put the pips in? And with this Seven of Pentacles from the Cat's Eye Tarot, I have to think, what does a cat sitting in an open doorway have to do with Seven of Pentacles? One of my little litmus tests for a tarot is, if there were no titles on this card, could I tell what card it is? This particular card gets a resounding no from me. If that bit at the bottom were chopped off, this would be a painting of a cat. A very attractive painting, very charming, but still -- nothing here to lead to me think, 'Oh yes. What an apt representation of the Seven of Pentacles.'

RWS 

The traditional RWS 7 of Pents shows a farmer leaning on his hoe in the middle of his field, admiring his crop and awaiting the bounty of the harvest. The Druidcraft shows a druid harvesting mistletoe, beside a rock carved with seven pentacles. Even the Gaian Tarot, even though there are no pentacles in the card, has seven trees standing in the background. I just like my pip cards to have the right number of something on them.

Anyway, leaving that aside, today's card is the Seven of Pentacles, a card which usually is interpreted to mean patience while something comes to fruition, amongst many other possible alternatives. I can't see that in this cat. So I looked at the LWB and had to laugh, because it describes exactly what I've already done this morning:

Druidcraft

'Take the time to assess your progress as you reach for a goal [so far so good, very traditional and expected]. If you do not see the expected results, you may need to make an adjustment. Do you find yourself standing at a crossroads needing to make a choice? Stop, assess and then prepare to move on and enjoy the good things life has to offer.'

Well, today I assessed my yoga programme and decided I should add in some weights work to support my practice. And I did a weights workout this morning instead of yoga. So after I'd assessed and made a change, I drew a card confirming what I'd just done. I assume more assessment and change is on the horizon. (I know I could use it where food choices are concerned!)

I really have no idea what this cat is assessing. Maybe he thought he wanted to go outside until he saw it was dark out there and now he wants to go back in? He is looking up (presumably at the person who opened the door) with a 'You've got to be kidding me' sort of expression on his face. I suppose whether to go out or stay in is one of the biggest decisions a cat may make in a day.

Clearly I will need to draw more cards in order to warm a bit toward both cats and this deck. It's cute, you know, but I'm just not feelin' it yet. Still, I'm trying to 'be more cat'!!

I woke up this morning wondering why I'm not making progress on the goals I set for Aug 2011 - Aug 2012. I made a 90-day plan and was diligent for the first few days on some of them, but others, I've either made no progress or actively worked in the opposite direction.

I was going to put this down to natural human rebellion against discipline. I often used to think that it was a childish response to authority, even my own. You tell a kid to do something, he bullishly will refuse to do it, or might go off and do the opposite, just to spite you. It's not personal, just his way of asserting himself as an individual in a world where he feels powerless. Seems ridiculous to do something like that to YOURSELF!  But then, people are pretty weird. I've often used this explanation of my actions and those of others.

This morning, though, I read something that made me look at it in a different light. It is the concept that wherever there is suffering (or unskillful actions), there is compassion, though most of the time somewhat twisted by the confused logic of ego and the process of ego. This comes from a book by Daniel Ingram, with the wonderful title, 'Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha: An Unusually Hardcore Dharma Book'.

'It is common for people to feel bad about their lack of progress. This can cause them to feel extremely frustrated, and produce all sorts of self-judgement...' The author goes on to advise us to use insight meditation to pinpoint the sensations of the emotion, its location in our bodies, its duration, and so on. Here's the kicker:

'Now, find the compassion in it. Take a minute or two to reflect on why this particular sensation seems to be of some use even though it may not seem completely useful in its current form. Is there a wish for yourself or others to be happy in this sensation? Is there a wish for the world to be a better place? Is there a wish to find pleasure, tranquility, or the end of suffering?

'Notice that fear has in it the desire to protect us or those about whom we care. Anger wants the world to be happy or work well or for justice to be done. Frustration comes from the caring sensations of anger being thwarted. Desire is rooted in the wish to be happy. Judgement comes from the wish for things to conform to high standards. Sadness comes from the sense of how good things could be...

'From a certain point of view, we are all doing our best all time, and the problem is that we do not see clearly enough.' 

Ingram advises us to be careful of setting goals that are too future-oriented. He says that a good goal is method-oriented rather than results-oriented.  As this is a book on dharma, his examples are related to enlightenment, but I believe this principle can be applied to anything. He says the wish to become enlightened is a purely results-oriented goal, while the wish to deeply understand the true nature of the sensations making up one's world as they arise in today's practice or during today, would be a fine method-oriented goal. 'Purely future-oriented goals are at best mostly worthless and at worst very dangerous,' he says.

So I take out my deck and draw 7 of Pentacles. What is happening in this card? Are the figures reading a book about gardening? Are they sitting in a support group talking about why gardening is so hard for them? Are they scribbling journal entries about how they want their garden to look in 2012? Are they chanting affirmations about what great gardeners they are? No...they're working in the garden. And it's not a neat, orderly work method they're using either. It's all over the place. They've got bare fresh-tilled earth, which they're planting with seed, but also there are flowers in full bloom in the same plot. The tree is in full blossom and green leaf but also has ripe fruits (the coins) AND dead leaves falling off it at the same time. There is sowing, growing, harvesting, and fallowness all going on at the same time here. Progression toward a goal is not straightforward. But no matter how convoluted it gets, it's not because you're a bad person. It's because everything you do or feel, comes from a place of compassion and a good wish for the world. It just gets a little twisted in the expression because we don't realise that's what it is, and are busy judging ourselves or others through the filter of our egos. But look at these guys. They're not worried about their egos. They are IN THE MOMENT. Fully accepting that this garden doesn't make any logical sense. Enjoying the fruit. Even messing around and having a laugh about how silly it all is (see how the guy is tweaking the booby of the tree...ha!)

So, the card is saying, work in the moment. Keep your goals in the moment. They will lead naturally to a future-oriented goal. And along the way, don't judge yourself, but recognize your ego-twisted logic and its expression. You didn't eat the apple pie or fail to do your sitting meditation because you have a rebellious spirit. You did it because in that moment you wanted to be happy, to enjoy, and because you were not fully present in that moment and had no clear idea of what you wanted to accomplish in that moment. Can I stop and ask myself, what is my goal in this moment? How is what I'm doing coming from a twisted version of compassion? What would be a more skillful act of compassion in this moment?

May I be mindful  of my actions in each moment. May I realise that the garden of my life is not linear and that's okay.

Life...is just a bowl of cherries...

Do this. Don't do this. Outcome. (Touchstone, 2009)

I've been stressed lately, for various reasons, but when you add them all up, it's a lot to take in! I've got redundancy worries, joined a new union, switched my gas and electric supplier, taken on a tarot project with Tarot Association of the British Isles (TABI), I've stepped up my exercise regime, and I'm reading a book about meditation practice that is, as it says in the title, 'Unusally Hardcore'. So I asked the Touchstone Tarot, how should I deal with all this? And I drew 3 cards: Do this. Don't do this. Outcome.

So I'm supposed to 'do' 9 of Cups. Strangely enough, the first thing I notice about this card, other than the fact the chap in it looks like he's had a good sip from each of those nine cups, is that there is a bowl of cherries on the table. Which instantly brings to mind the song: 'Life is just a bowl of cherries. Don't take it serious...

Life's too mysterious

You work,

You save,

You worry so

But you can't take your dough

When you go, go, go

So keep repeating "It's the berries."

The strongest oak must fall

The sweet things in life

To you were just loaned

So how can you lose

What you've never owned

Life is just a bowl of cherries

So live and laugh, aha!

Laugh and love

Live and laugh,

Laugh and love,

Live and laugh at it all!'

~by Ray Henderson, 1931 

Message received! Lighten up, the tarot's telling me. Take it easy. Find something about the situation to enjoy. Or just find something, somewhere, anywhere,  to enjoy. At the end of the day, what will most of it even matter?

Billy the Kid

Then ... what should I NOT do? Page of Swords. Just look at that guy. He reminds me so much of the famous photo of Billy the Kid. He's just so cocky! He's got his head tilted to the side with that 'Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough' expression on his face. Don't mess with me, he's saying. But bring it on!, he's also saying. I can take you. I think the message here is, don't fight it. Don't defy the universe. Don't be belligerent. Don't have an attitude. Don't think you can outsmart the situation you're in. No mental fisticuffs or even full-on gun fights of the mind will help you in the situation you're in. Nope, surrender is best.

And what will be the outcome if I stop fighting it and learn to enjoy the journey? Seven of Coins. What a lovely maiden, like something out of a Vermeer painting. (Actually, she's by Raffaello, from a painting called 'Portrait of a Woman', 1507. I looked it up in the handy Touchstone Tarot companion book. ) Doesn't she look placid, though. She's patient. She's waiting for the plants to grow, and come to fruition, and that's all I can do, as well. That's all any of us can do, really, in any situation. Be patient. 

So okay! I get it. Chill out, don't fight it, be patient. 

I can do that. (She says.)