Welp, it didn't take until 2021 for the Devil to turn up after all. Here he is this morning. How about that? Big ugly pink-headed crouching bird-footed gargoyle that he is. Holding his torch like a caveman brute clutching a club. Giving us a split-fingered salute forming the Hebrew letter 'shin', which means both teeth and fire. Yay.
'Devil is in the details' springs to mind here. I've certainly had a lot of details on my mind lately. Remember my birthday reading? I predicted 'changes in love, family and friends, wealth, means and ends', and saw house-buying as something that might happen this year. We've started the process of looking for a mortgage adviser and I've signed up at rightmove and zoopla. Yesterday we walked about 3 miles round trip to go out and take a look at a house, just to walk past it (and see how I might feel about a 3 mile round-trip walk every day, plus to time how long it takes). This would give us an idea of whether a house search that is 1.5 mile radius from the train station is viable. Maybe, is the answer. But under 1 mile would certainly be better, and half mile better still. Trouble is, as you get closer to the town centre, the houses in our price range get smaller and pokier, and are restricted to on-street parking. So it's a choice of walking a lot and having a bit of space to park the car (and a more 'generous' feel to the neighborhood) or live conveniently close to town amenities but be crowded in. And on top of these choices, all this information gathering. Devil in the details, indeed. So today is phone calls to IFAs to arrange initial chats, and we have booked our first actual viewing for next Monday evening.
Samhain marks the mid-point of the Air Tide (the period between Autumn Equinox and Winter Solstice). The Air Tide, to me, is the 'season of the witch' -- it is a season of winds, swirling leaves, rustling treetops, electric storms, hanging mists, and glorious sunsets. At this time of year, I invariably find myself studying, reading, and immersing myself in learning projects. This sort of thing reaches a kind of zenith around the middle of the season, at Samhain, one of the four Celtic fire festivals (agricultural festivals). So this is the reason, for me, that I consider this the 'Witches' New Year'. We remember absent friends and family, particularly those who have passed beyond this veil. Also, in the old Celtic calendar, Samhain marked the beginning of winter, and I believe that is another reason some consider this festival a 'New Year'.
All I know is, this time of year always sees me feeling stirred up in many ways. I take stock of my direction, where I've come from and where I'm heading.
The advice here is to review past goals and set new ones. So...let's see what the cards have to say about this. I've asked five questions, in honour of the five-pointed star:
1. What should I know about my past goals? Page of Swords
2. Which goals should I keep in the new year? 4 of Coins
3. Which goals should I abandon? 5 of Coins
4. What new direction should I go in? Devil
5. What can I do to support achieving my goals both old and new? 4 of Cups
Lovers' Tarot, Jane Lyle
My past goals were mostly in my head and never got off the ground. The goals I should keep are those focused on maintaining the status quo in the material plane. I should abandon the goal of trying to feel comfortable in the material plane -- by that I mean, the goal of NOT feeling like 5 of Pentacles. Uncertainty is okay. In fact, I found a song about it yesterday. I'll just share it here:
'Be like a bird who, halting in her flight
On a limb too slight, feels it give way beneath her,
Yet sings, sings, knowing she has wings,
Yet sings, sings, knowing she has wings.'
(This turns out to be based on a quotation by Victor Hugo: 'Let us be like a bird for a moment perched on a frail branch when he sings; though he feels it bend, yet he sings his song, knowing that he has wings.')
Life is precarious; it is not certain. We long to feel that there is a solid foundation beneath us, but there is not. At any time we could lose a loved one, we could lose a livelihood, we could lose our health. But whatever falls from under us, we won't plunge to our destruction. We can survive whatever ground or support disappears from beneath our feet.
What new direction can I go in? The Devil tells me to say 'F*ck it.' In fact, I just checked out a book from the library last week called 'F*ck It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way', by John C. Parkin. 'Up there so high in our Perspective Machine,' he writes, 'we realize our lives are just like that of a firefly. Except the air is full of seven billion fireflies. They're glowing beautifully for one night. Then they're gone. So f*ck it, you might as well REALLY glow. And there we go. Did you taste it? That was the brief taste of freedom. Sometimes it doesn't last very long, but it's an unforgettable taste. Personally, I've always tasted it when I've contemplated the utter meaninglessness of my own existence. It's a rush of freedom and it tastes good. If my life means so little, then F*ck It, I might as well go for it and just have a laugh.'
So how can I support this new devilish F*ck It philosophy? Refuse to be upset by trifles. The number 4 means 'things stay the same', and if Cups represent emotions, then that shows a pretty stable emotional response. Four of Cups in fact may be the ultimate F*ck It card. Four has the elemental affinity of Fire so 4 of Cups is Fire of Water. It takes an active choice to decide to say 'F*ck it.' :)
Well, at least I've got my new motto for the year.
Working from home today. Going to doctor. I am not going to be enslaved or tricked by that old Devil, the mind. I will not remain in bondage. I will seek help. I will find my way out.
I've been trapped in my thoughts lately. Stress has manifested itself in unusual ways for me. Fixations, repetitive thoughts, panic attacks. At the moment while its acute, I hope for a prescription for something to calm me, and in the long run, for the support of counselling. Reality is so much nicer than delusion and it's time to get back to it.
Rough night with dental discomfort/pain and nausea. Let's look at the cards for the next week and try a little predictive reading, then look at them again on each day:
Row 1: Sat Sun Mon
Row 2: Tue Wed Thu
Row 3: Fri
Today - 6 of Pentacles
This is a time when I must assess how much of my neediness in the material plane is down to perception. I feel quite on my knees to/at the mercy of events with regard to my physical body at the moment. I do feel at the mercy of those who seem to have more power over this aspect of my life at the moment; in this case, the dentists. I also feel that I am begging for mercy from a higher source for a good outcome.
It would probably not be a bad idea to get some perspective on events. There are many people in the world much far worse off than me with my dental pain/discomfort but the resources to eventually take care of the problem, even if I have to experience some pain for a few days or weeks, and even if the procedure is not the most pleasant in the world. No matter what happens, the worst case scenario for me is a tooth extraction. My life is not on the line. I'm not looking at chemo or open heart surgery.
So this card is both an assessment of my current feelings and a call to remember I'm not the only one having troubles and in fact am better off than most.
Sun - Empress
It's hard not read every card in light of my most pressing problems. The Empress here suggests a day in which I should nurture myself in every way possible, mother myself. I should focus on the ways in which I do feel healthy. I should avoid talking about my problems. The Empress is a doer, not a talker.
Mon - Justice
It's Easter Bank Holiday. It hardly seems fair to me that my dental woes have invariably fallen across weekends when the dentist is closed. Then, it hardly seems fair that the dentist is closed on weekends. A practice open on Saturday would do a booming trade. I can only hope that whatever discomfort I've been in for the last few days has seen a reduction.
In any case, the Justice card doesn't seem a harbinger of doom. Depending on how you number your cards, Justice is my year card. (The numbers of your date of birth added together and reduced is your year card. Mine is 8, which in some decks is Strength, in others Justice. I lay claim to both because my age is 47, 4+7=11, which seemed a coincidence too handy to ignore).
It could be that Monday will be a day when I must deal dispassionately with the fact that life is impartial in dealing out woes. Or a day when I make connections between events and see the cause and effect. I might reach a solution or decision of some kind.
Tue - 3 of Pentacles
It's back to work after being off since 11 April, but I must say, it hasn't been an especially fun holiday. There will be so many tasks to catch up on. I am not looking forward to it. I think I will probably be consulting with my manager a lot (if she's in). Team work is called for.
Wed - The Devil
I think I know what this might point to. I originally booked off half a day's annual leave for this day (hubby asked me to). Should I go ahead and take it? Or should I stay at work for the day? The Devil is about feeling helpless, in bondage, thinking negatively, believing the worst, choosing to remain in ignorance, or any number of bleak concepts. It could be a day that I am tempted to call in sick altogether. But perhaps this could just point to a very busy day at work in which I feel like a slave!
Thu - Wheel of Fortune
Does the worm begin to turn? Something is going to change on Thursday, anyway. I do hope it's for the better.
Fri - 9 of Cups
This looks hopeful....particularly following on from Devil, to Wheel, to 9 of Cups, as if a low point is reached on the Wednesday but looking better by the Friday. It is generally interpreted as achieving what you desire. I know what I desire as an outcome -- a settled down mouth, no pain, and able to eat without worrying about it.
I'm going to do each entry for the next week in the evening to see how things actually panned out.
Wow! Look at this guy from the Faerie Tarot. Now he's a devilish devil. :) Nathalie Hertz says he is a 'rascal and a joker demon' who enjoys food, material goods, parties and pleasures of the flesh. She goes on to say that he is a generator of 'creative and life-producing forces'.
Well, okay. So she's got a revisionist way of looking at the Devil card. That's fine. Her divinatory meaning is 'power and psychic energy, charisma, magnetism, audacity, success, fulfilled desires, unbridled sexuality' and the list goes on. Clearly she is a fan.
I take a more a traditionalist view of the Devil card. He is intensely interested in the flesh and the pleasures thereof, but his motives are not in our best interest, and giving in to his 'charisma and magnetism' will lead to no good for us. This is a very 'Christian' interpretation, but I do think it is quite traditional and I often read the card this way. On the other hand, and this, too, is in keeping with Christian tradition, the Devil has no actual power over us that we do not actually give him, and his temptations, charisma, magnetism and 'audacity' are all the weapons he has in his arsenal to lure us in. He is not difficult to escape. (As we see in the RWS image, in which the man and woman are chained, but their binding are quite loose and easy to slip). If we find ourselves bound to our temptations or anything negative, harmful or destructive, we can't blame the Devil. We've given our power over to those things, he hasn't done it. So when we do give in to temptations, we can't blame anyone but ourselves -- and we shouldn't blame, but recognize, and then slip our bonds to freedom.
What will I be tempted by, recognize and escape from today? How about you?
I received a new tarot deck yesterday and thought I'd try it out today. It's the Bonefire Tarot by Gabrielle West, self-published in 2013. I drew a card of the day: The Devil. Avoid temptation. Okay. I found myself drawing another: What should I avoid? Page of Coins. What should I do instead? Ace of Swords.
Bonefire Tarot, West 2013
I can see that I should avoid first impulses today, temptation to fall into old patterns, represented by The Devil. The Page of Coins squeezing lemons threw me for a minute--then I realized she must be making lemonade for a lemonade stand, the traditional first business enterprise of a young person. (I think it might be mythical. I don't know anyone who ever had a lemonade stand. But still, the image persists of a youngster sitting in the front garden peddling lemonade to the neighbours.) I can see how this applies. Today's temptation, amongst other things, might be to hole up somewhere on my own at work and continue making my own little plans. That is not a good idea. The Page of Coins may have enthusiasm for business enterprises, but she doesn't have any experience. She might be better off consulting others - or at the very least, enlisting someone to help her, to go in as a partner, share their thoughts and collaborate. The Coins suit, though, isn't so much about thinking as doing, and so the mucking in should be of a practical nature. Although the final card, advising what I should do instead, is the Ace of Swords. So perhaps instead of getting stuck in to some earnest but perhaps misguided busy work, I should use razor sharp thought to help me see the proper way to proceed. The Sword is slicing through an apple - could it be the apple of temptation? There is also a snake there. I just wonder if that is Garden of Eden imagery. The snake can be an ally as well as an enemy. Like the sword itself, he is double-edged. I like that all-seeing eye on the crown of the sword. Not fooled into false thinking or sent in the wrong direction. That's how I must be today. Not misdirected. I must recognize at every hand the temptation to blurt out or act on impulse, without thought. Today should be a day of measured actions.
Well, if I do all these things, what will be the outcome? I drew 7 of Wands. It certainly would keep me in a well-defended position. I had a look in the LWB: fending off all comers, defending your boundaries, keeping the moral high ground, overcoming creative blocks. Good then.
My advice for the day: watch out for the temptation to give in to any innate weaknesses (for me, that would be blurting out my thoughts without considering consequences, and overthinking in an emotional way--ie, worrying!). Avoid lone busy work brought on by enthusiasm which might not be the most effective use of my time, chosen because of inexperience. Instead, use my head. Ask questions, seek advice. Be logical -- and keep emotions out of it.
This week's featured tarot is the beautiful CBD Tarot DeMarseille, by Dr Yoav Ben-Dov, a 'faithful reproduction of the traditional Tarot cards based on the standard deck printed by Nicholas Conver, 1760, restored and adapted by Yoav Ben-Dov, 2010.' I bought it from Ben-Dov's website: www.cbdtarot.com. I've decided to do 3-card draws at least some of the days, because the pips-only TdM can be a bit hard to relate to in single-card draws (though I actually quite like doing single-card draws with it).
The Devil - 7 of Swords - Queen of Coins
CBD Tarot (2010)
Today's draw: There will be a struggle between temptation and the physical or material plane. This could be anything from a temptation to overeat to a strong impulse to buy something I don't really need. Well, I face this kind of temptation every day! However, I can't say that I do much resisting against them. The 7 of Swords shows great determination in achieving a goal, so the message for the day must be that I should stand firm when these temptations present themselves. I think it's most likely pointing to skipping my yoga practice. The Devil doesn't like discipline. I will take this as a warning that some sort of strong impulse to misbehave is coming my way today.
Ooooh, the Devil. But what a sweet looking Devil she is. Funnily enough, the last time I drew this card, it was a Wednesday as well! Now that's interesting. Or maybe just a coincidence.
Temptation wouldn't be temptation if it were scary. It looks enticing, it looks delectable, it looks, if not exactly safe, at least not lethal! We see it in this card. This figure certainly beckons us to come closer, to lean in to hear what she might have to say, to move toward her because she looks like she's having fun, and that she has lovely things to share with us. She's got a very impish expression, though. This little dragon has a sting in her tail.
I quite like this card, because the figure looks so of-the-earth. Temptation, seduction, excess, addiction, overindulgence, and any other 'dark quality' you can name -- all come from us. Nowhere else.
I knew exactly what this was about when I drew it this morning, because it was the thing I had on my mind as soon as I woke up. I have been struggling for a long time to deal with what I consider a food addiction, or at the very least an unhealthy relationship to food. I started writing down what I eat several weeks ago and in that time, I've managed to gain a couple of pounds. Yes, gain -- not lose. I really don't know how to get a handle on this issue. I just keep making poor choices; though actually it could be said that I don't make any choice at all, because lots of my unhealthy eating occurs with no thought whatsoever and I don't even realise I'm doing it until I'm half way through with something. I know that sounds strange to those of you who do not have any type of food issue.
The Crystal Tarot by Phillip Permutt (CICO Books, 2010) shows a traditional Devil image (though it is quite softened and friendly in comparison to some, because after all this is a very gentle and charming deck--that's why I'm extending my draws with it for another week!). But still we see a male and female figure chained to the Devil's throne. They have horns on their heads, signifying his influence over them, and they have tails, but those tails also show their connection to the good earth, because they actually form viney branches that end in leaves, or in the case of the female, in fruit. (I like to think this is because of the fruitfulness of the female rather than any reference to Eve and the Garden of Eden story, though it may be that these figures are Adam and Eve and the implication is that Eve is the one who chained us to the Devil. Meh.) Be that as it may, the fact remains that the chains around the necks of the two figures are very loose indeed, and their hands are free, so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the Devil has no actual power over them, but that they are in chains to him of their own free will; whether they realise that or not is another matter entirely! When we draw the Devil, our first thought is 'Oh, no! We're trapped by a great evil force!' Then comes the subtext: 'But however we managed to get ourselves into this fix, we can get back out again. We can escape this bondage.'
The crystal associated with the Devil card here is one that I've also linked to it, smoky quartz. This is a crystal that breaks through a fear barrier - the fear of failure. I know from experience that smoky quartz does enhance the ability to overcome the fear of failure. It helps to break out of defeatist beliefs so that you can move forward.
I wanted to know more, so I asked for two more cards of advice--
To be honest, I'm not overly keen on the Devil card from any deck, but this one in particular does nothing for me. When it's first turned over, it looks comical. He's a bit silly with his big nose, face jutting forward on his scrawny neck. You think, oh, it's one of those decks where the Devil is a silly figure. But as you look at the card, it's not very silly at all, and I find that a drawback because it is a very serious card that has a funny first impression.
The Devil of course dominates the card, standing there in his suit, wearing his ska two-tone tie (it was the 80s after all), and his inverted pentagram medallion. He's got a ring in his nose and horns on his head, and a long braid trailing over his shoulder. Pointy ears. Looking more closely at the suit, its pocket, chain, and stripes on the sleeve suggest that it's an ever-changing amalgamation of a business man's suit, a military uniform, and some counter culture elements. The Devil can be found everywhere - misuse of power and abuse of self and others can come from anywhere. He has a hump on his back and a pair of tattered wings that look like they have been manufactured. In fact, they also look like the riggings of sails, and the setting of this card could be a dock.
My first thought on seeing this card is 'Snow!', but the forecast for the day is rain and around freezing...but still, if it's that cold, it could get slick out there. Today's card is the Arthurian Tarot (Aquarian Press, 1990) Devil card--XV The Green Knight.
I have to say, this Green Knight bears no resemblance to my own idea of the Green Knight from the medieval tale recounted earlier in my blog here. This guy is dressed in leaves, and has bare feet!
The Book of Shadows Tarot Vol 1, Barbara Moore, gives me Ace of Air today. It's timely I should draw this card today, as my mind has been in complete overdrive for the last few days. I'm completely stressed out and the overthinking isn't helping me at all.
The card here, Ace of Air, shows a sylph orchestrating dreams for the sleeping figure. These dreams might be happy ones, or they might be nightmares. The card is ambiguous. Is he dreaming of his bright future--a lovely house, a new car, a fulfilling career--or is he having nightmares about his mortgage, car payments, and failing investment portfolio? Could be either, depends on the surrounding cards, the querent, and the question. The expressions on the faces of the sylph and the sleeper are giving nothing away.
Because this card speaks so deeply to me of my current state of mind, I thought I'd draw two more cards: Do this. Don't do this. These are 'solution' cards to the current rather intolerable situation I find in my mind. What should I do and what should I not do to ease my mind about this situation, and about my general unsettled feelings and disturbed sleep of late?
