Stop being mean to yourself

The 9 of Swords in the RWS deck shows someone waking from a nightmare. Here in the Book of Thoth Tarot, we have nine swords all in a row, graduating in size from shorter swords on the outside to the longer swords in the middle. All swords point downward, all drip blood. Each sword has hunks and nicks taken out of its edges, as if from battle. The orange colour suggests the swords may be rusty, too. Raindrops drip down in perfect alignment above and between the swords. In the background, a crazy, crackly zigzag of lines tumbles toward the bottom of the card, where they seem to be gathering in a heap.

The card is an excellent representation of an unsettled mind, trying to make order of chaos, hurting itself with its own thoughts, using the repetitive thoughts as weapons against itself, until even the very thoughts themselves begin to get worn out from continuous bludgeoning.

This card represents thoughts that won't go away, tapes we play in our heads over and over that torment us. Self-judgement, criticism, worrying continuously about the same things, things that never happen. Or things that did happen in the past that we haven't let go of. The swords and raindrops (or they could be tears) have a pattern, because the thoughts themselves have a pattern; being caught up in them becomes almost like a ritual of self-inflicted pain.



The symbol for Mars, god of war, is at the top of the card, suggesting the furious energy with which we attack ourselves. The symbol is at the top of the card, near the handles of the swords, while at the pointy  end of the swords is the symbol for Gemini, the twins, which suggests that this is a conflict within the self, between two sides of the self. The accuser and the accused. You vs you.

The message of the card is, when you can recognize what you are doing to yourself, you are in a better position to break this destructive and harmful habit. Stop being mean to yourself.

May I remember the lesson of this card today, recognize harmful patterns of thought within myself, and redirect myself toward the truth: I am loved and loving and lovable, exactly as I am.